


Northshore’s Elite

by WiseGirlEverdeen



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Actually it’s a bit of both, Angst, Gen, Group chat, Heathers crossover at some point, Light Angst, Mostly Crack, Pretty much Janis-centric, This Veronica is more based on the musical, Veronica and Janis are cousins, but only with veronica, crackfic, i think, it can’t be my fic if there’s no angst, it kinda just slipped in lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:15:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 13,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24789082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WiseGirlEverdeen/pseuds/WiseGirlEverdeen
Summary: Artfreak: what’s up fuckersToo-gay-to-function: Janis, sweetie, gO TO SLEEPartfreak: sleep is for the weakOrJanis decides to create a group chat. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Platonic so far, idk yet - Relationship, it might change
Comments: 215
Kudos: 86





	1. Wlecom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angstyauthor (wedontwritelemons)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wedontwritelemons/gifts).



> I’m dedicating this to the lovely and talented @angstyauthor(wedontwritelemons)! She has been so supportive of my writing and she is so talented (and super sweet), you should really check her out! 
> 
> This is basically just a crack fic, but who cares.
> 
> And quick disclaimer: if the content resembles any other fics of this nature, my apologies. I’m trying to stick to my own ideas but I will take inspiration from other fics.

**_Janissarkisian added damianhubbard, cadyheron, reginageorge, karensmith, gretchenweiners, aaronsamuels to the chat_ **

**_Janissarkisian changed damianhubbard’s name to too-gay-to-function_ **

**_Janissarkisian changed cadyheron’s name to caddy-the-junglefreak_ **

**_Janissarkisian changed reginageorge’s name to massivedeal_ **

**_Janissarkisian changed karensmith’s name to dumb-bitch-energy_ **

**_Janissarkisian changed gretchenweiners’s name to bighair_ **

**_Janissarkisian changed aaronsamuels’s name to Straightjock™️_ **

**_Janissarkisian changed their name to artfreak_ **

**_Artfreak changed the group name to Northshore’s Eloye_ **

****_Aftreak changed the group name to Northshore’s Elite  
  
_

**3:26 am**

Artfreak: what’s up fuckers

Too-gay-to-function: Janis, sweetie, gO TO SLEEP

artfreak: sleep is for the weak

Caddy-the-junglefreak: Damian is right, go to sleep.

Artfreak: WoOoOwW Caddy and her OeRfEcT pUnTuATiOn

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I feel attacked

Too-gay-to-function: oerfect

Massivedeal: oerfect

Bighair: oerfect

Artfreak: I feel ataccd

Dumb-bitch-energy: hi :)

Too-gay-to-function: anyways whyd you create this gc

Artfreak: bcase im tried an delirious rn

Too-gay-to-function: I can tell

Massivedeal: you know we have school tomorrow, right?

Artfreak: ye s but i don ca r e

Artfreak: I wikl n o t slep

Too-gay-to-function: honey you can’t even type coherently

Artfreak: fancy words

Artfreak: I dknt want to slepp

Straightjock™️: THIS IS WHAT I WAKE UP TO

Straightjock™️: SHUT THE FUVK UP I HAVE A GAME TOMORROW I NEED TO SLEEP

Artfreak: Jesus just mut the chat if it’s so much of a prolmm

Massivedeal: ok Janis your typos are out of control

Artfreak: ok s h u t the fucj up refinald

Too-gay-to-function: refinald

Bighair: refinald

Caddy-the-jungle-freak: refinald

_**Straightjock™️ has left the chat** _

Artfreak: good now I can contibue undistured

Bighair: but you were never bothered by him???

Artfreak: tru

Dumb-bitch-energy: is anyone gonna add him back? Scared emoji, football emoji

Artfreak: no.

Bighair: don’t feel bad Karen

Artfreak: a yways im goibg tocry noe goodnifht Bitches

Dumb-bitch-energy: :(

Artfreak: dw kts just sleepp seprivation

Too-gay-to-function: I love how the only word she spelled properly was bitches

Massivedeal: k well I’m exhausted so goodnight

Caddy-the-junglefreak: smae

Bighair: smae

Too-gay-to-function: smae

Dumb-bitch-energy: sleep emoji, zzz emoji, heart emoji, smiley face


	2. She Cackles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS SO FUVKINF HOT OMG IM DYING
> 
> Anyways I don’t know what this is but enjoy I guess
> 
> This is my piss poor attempt at being funny

**Wednesday, 10:36 am**

Artfreak: what’s up hoes

Dumb-bitch-energy: Gretchen what did you tell her!

Bighair: nothing!

Too-gay-to-function: …I don’t think I want to know

Massivedeal: anyways

Massivedeal: why are you texting were in class

Artfreak: why are you replying

Massivedeal:

Artfreak: check and mate

Too-gay-to-function: Janis no that was really bad

Too-gay-to-function: you need to work on your comebacks

Caddy-the-junglefreak: guys I’m trying to LEARN in MATH CLASS so shut the frick up

Artfreak: aww caddy refuses to swear

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I can if I want to so fuck off

Artfreak: oof

Caddy-the-junglefreak: omg I’m so sorry I didn’t mean it I was just joking

Caddy-the-junglefreak: Janis?

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I’m so sorry please don’t be mad

Too-gay-to-function: caddy calm down I’m in her class and she got her phone taken away cause she was laughing too hard

Too-gay-to-function: she’s literally rolling on the floor right now

Too-gay-to-function: [shecackles.mov]

Caddy-the-junglefreak: omg I can’t

Caddy-the-junglefreak: you guys are gonna get me kicked out of class

Artfreak: oh wait let me add Aaron back I wanna bother him to

Massivedeal: how did you get your phone back?

Artfreak: some things will always remain a mystery

Caddy-the-junglefreak: Miss Norbery is going to k i l l us please don’t

_**Artfreak added Straightjock™️ to the chat** _

Artfreak: whoopsies too late my finger slpiied

Straightjock™️: fuck u Janis

Straightjock™️: unlike you I actually VALUE my education

Straightjock™️: I want to accomplish things in life

Artfreak: stfu you litearllly never study

Artfreak: idk hoe u ever tutored caddy

Artfreak: hoe are u even passing claas

Straightjock™️: wow ok Janis no need to get salty

Artfreak: anyways school is just a social construct used to shove information down our throats without ever actually making sure we learn anything

Massivedeal: wow Janis

Too-gay-to-function: believe it or not, Janis can be smart if she w ants

Artfreak: rud

Massivedeal: clearly

Bighair: omg Cady when did you join the mathletes!?

Caddy-the-junglefreak: ...how did you find out about that?

Bighair: well apparently Kevin told Rodney who told Dennis who told Peter who told Keith who told Courtney who told me that you were the first girl ever on the team

Caddy-the-junglfreak: ...that’s a lot of people

Too-gay-to-function: I told you her hair was full of secrets!

Caddy-the-junglefreak: you know what

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I want to learn

Caddy-the-junglefreak: goodbye

**_Caddy-the-junglefreak has muted the chat_ **

Artfreak: okay now that the Annoying Fuck™️ has muted the chate

Massivedeal: no Janis.

**_Massivedeal has muted the chat_ **

**_Straightjock™️ has muted the chat_ **

**_Bighair has muted the chat_ **

**_Dumb-bitch-energy has muted the chat_ **

Artfreak: We‘ll Damian ittss jusst u and mii

**_Too-gay-to-function has muted the chat_ **

Artfreak: *le gASP* BETRAYAL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Knowing me, don’t expect another chapter for like two months lol
> 
> I’m just kidding, kind of. But please, I need ideas
> 
> And next chapter, a new character will arrive ;) (and Aaron might mysteriously disappear because I’m overwhelmed by all the characters and forgot to write him in)
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated, have a lovely day!


	3. Welcome parties and depression naps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janis brings more chaos to the chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m just churning out chapters because at this point I’m so excited and I have no idea why
> 
> So
> 
> New character! And no Aaron here, he just DiSsApPeArEd
> 
> Enjoy!

**Friday, 7:43 pm**

Artfreak: omg you guys my cousin is comin to live with me so I’m gonna add her to the gc oK

Massivedeal: and you’re telling us this NOW?!

Artfreak: why u madd

Massivedeal: because we have no time to prepare!

Artfreak: PRPAR WAT

Massivedeal: a welcome to Northshore party

Aftrfreak: ok whatever she’s gonna be here tomorrow

Artfreak: adin her noe

_**Artfreak added veronicasawyer** _

_**Veronicasawyer changed their name to yourebeautiful** _

Yourebeautiful: hi guys

Yourebeautiful: my names Veronica sawyer and I’m janis’s cousin but you probably already knew that

Yourebeautiful: so uh… Janis has told me a little about you guys but like… who’s who?

Dumb-bitch-energy: hi :) my :) name:) is :) Karen :) house emoji heart emoji [attachment: sexy-mouse.jpg]

Bighair: she says welcome

Bighair: I’m Gretchen wieners! [attachment: selfie.jpg]

Massivedeal: Regina George. [attachment: moi.jpg]

Caddy-the-junglefreak: cady heron! [attachment: me.jpg]

Too-gay-to-function: it’s Damian, we’ve already met

Artfreak: my identity will forever remain a mystery

Yourebeautiful: oh hi Damian!

Yourebeautiful: stfu Janis it’s clearly you

Yourebeautiful: you’re not funny

Yourebeautiful: Anyways here’s a picture of me [attachment: blue-blazer.jpg]

Massivedeal: OK HOLY SHIT you look just like Janis

Yourebeautiful: yeah I get that a lot

Artfreak: I don tsee it

Dumb-bitch-energy: you know that cadys from Africa? World emoji,

Yourebeautiful: dO tHeY cElEbrAtE tHanKSgivInG in AfRicA?

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I’m not sure if you’re serious or not…

Yourebeautiful: I’m not, don’t worry.

Yourebeautiful: it’s just something my… old friend asked me once.

Yourebeautiful: anyways

Caddy-the-junglefreak: so what brings you to Northshore?

Yourebeautiful: I needed a fresh start and since Janis is my age and we’re pretty close my parents sent me to live with her

Dumb-bitch-energy: fresh start? Confused emoji

Yourebeautiful: I’d rather not talk about it… maybe some other time

Artfreak: oh and Veronica your get ting you’re own rom, we donet havv to shair

Artfreak: I cann t wayit forr u too comm, its gonaa bee Tits!

Too-gay-to-function: ah yes Janis’s favourite word: tits

Yourebeautiful: ...tits?

Artfreak: it means great

Artfreak: in cas u could n’t tel I’m a Lesbian

Artfreak: tits=great

Massivedeal: if it wasn’t already obvious

Artfreak: stfu Reginald u outted mi in fring of the entire skool

Artfreak: u gav mii depressn

Massivedeal: IM SORRY OK

Massivedeal: ITS MY BIGGEST REGRET

Artfreak: it fin immosty ok noe

Yourebeautiful: is anyone actually mentally stable here?

Artfreak: nah not really

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I am

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I think

Yourebeautiful: k bye guys time for a depression nap before I finish packing!

Artfreak: sleep tight!

Massivedeal: JANIS

Artfreak: wat? Wenn I depresin nap I wan t somon to tell me dat

Artfreak: it makes me fell a litle bettr

Yourebeautiful: Janis is right lol

Yourebeautiful: n e ways I’m gonna go now fr

Dumb-bitch-energy: bye (:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I have to retire my brain to write as Janis it’s a lot of work. I usually just type the sentence normally then put in as many typos as I could, so sorry if some of her texts actually look normal haha
> 
> Well that escalated quickly... whoops. Sorry for the angst. Next chapter is worse, let me tell you. Sorry they’re so short, I’m just waking for the chaotic soul of Janis to possess me and tell me her tale, as @angstyauthor so eloquently put it.
> 
> I’m thinking of starting to take bits of conversations I have with my friends. The only problem is we’re three people and they’re like eight in this fic. Oh well. I’ll figure things out.
> 
> And also I know it’s like pretty obvious that Janis is lesbian even though they never explicitly say it
> 
> But
> 
> Tits. You can’t use that as a synonym for great and expect people to think you’re straight.


	4. Panik

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s said boi hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tried to let Janis’s chaotic spirit possess me and “TITS” was burned into my brain. So I went with that. That’s the first part of the chapter, the second part is a few days after Veronica moved in with Janis.
> 
> More angst(ish), just for you, @angstyauthor!

** Saturday, 6:15 am **

Artfreak: tits

Straightjock™️: that’s how you start a conversation?

Artfreak: we’ll u riplid so

Artfreak: thta s a Winn in my bock

Yourebeautiful: who’s @straightjock™️?

Artfreak: oh that’s Aaron Samuels. Hee want ther dring the introduckshion perido

Artfreak: Aaron Samuels, meat my cuszinn, Veronica Sawyer. Veronica, this is Aaron.

Artfreak: shiis combing to life with me twoda. U gays clan meat herr! Thisis gon a be so exciting!

Massivedeal: COMING TO LIFE AHAHAHA

Artfreak: Shut the FUCK UP

Artfreak: gnit :)

Straightjock™️: *ignores the fact that it’s 6:15 am*

**Monday, 4:17 a.m.**

Yourebeautiful: some of y’all have never joined the most powerful clique in school and then puked on the clique leader at a party which led to you being basically being socially destroyed and then climbed through the new kids window, losing your virginity then falling in love with him except he a sociopathic seventeen year old who convinced you to kill your best friends/worst enemies and then disguise them as suicides by faking their notes since you can copy virtually anyone’s handwriting but then you decide to break off your relationship with him because he’s obsessive and borderline abusive so of course he threatens to blow up the entire school so you have to fake your death in order to stop him and you finally manage to get him out of the building with the bomb strapped to his chest and he ends up blowing himself up anyways leaving you scarred for life and it shows

Bighair: I-

Artfreak: …

Too-gay-to-function: ...are you okay?

Yourebeautiful: of course I’m okay what do you mean

Artfreak: my therapist- and what do we say when you feel like this?

Me- it be like that sometimes

Caddy-the-junglefreak: N O

Yourebeautiful: Y E S

Yourebeautiful: welp my trauma decided to make a reappearance cause I just triggered myself :’’’)

Yourebeautiful: brb having an anxiety attack (:

Yourebeautiful: see y’all in an hour ;)

Artfreak: verONICA NO

Artfreak: COME BACK

Artfreak: fuck it I’m comin to your room

Bighair: how is she so chill about this

Artfreak: nOPE SHE IS FAR FROM CHILL

Artfreak: HOLY SHIT SHE FAINTED

Artfreak: I need help what do I do

Artfreak: usually I’m the one doing the fainting

Artfreak: Damian what do I do

Too-gay-to-function: uhhh ok well she should come to within another minute or two

Too-gay-to-function: if she doesn’t then call an ambulance

Too-gay-to-function: just make sure she’s still breathing

Too-gay-to-function: I’m On my way! Hold on

Artfreak: wtf whii is it like that

Too-gay-to-function: MY AUTOCORRECT OKAY I WANTED TO WRITE OMW BUT RHE STUOID AUTOCORRECT MAKES IT On my way! EVERY SINGKE TIME I FUCKING HAT E IT

Artfreak: Jesus Damian clm don

Artfreak: jusstt hurii uppp

Artfreak: oop sheez awacke

Artfreak: she wants to no wy I kipp textng our convo

Artfreak: shii wants miito s top

Massivedeal: JANIS SARKISIAN GO TAKE CARE OF YOUR COUSIN

Artfreak: you forgot my middle name

Artfreak: bet you don’t know what it is

Too-gay-to-function: it’s Barrett.

Too-gay-to-function: also I’m here

Artfreak: daMIAN I THOUGT WE WERE FRIENDS

Massivedeal: JANIS BARRETT SARKISIAN GO TAKE CARE OF YOUR COUSIN

Yourebeautiful: I’m fine now no thanks to Janis

Yourebeautiful: Damian was really helpful though

Too-gay-to-function: yeah I’ve had to help Janis a lot

Artfreak: OMGDAMIANSERISOUDLYNOTONTHEGROUOCHSTWHY

Bighair: it’s okay we been knew sis

Dumb-bitch-energy: I’m glad you’re feeling better now! (:

Yourebeautiful: thanks Karen, you’re really sweet <3

Artfreak: is noon gonna tak abt hoe thretning the upsde donn smilli fase loks leik

Massivedeal: is no one gonna talk about how you’re a bad cousin

_**Artfreak has removed massivedeal from the chat** _

Artfreak: bitch gets what she deserves

Too-gay-to-function: Janis add her back

Artfreak: aww loocke Veronica’s alsep [attachment: sleepyronnie.jpg]

Bighair: aww so cute <333

Dumb-bitch-energy: heart emoji, sleep emoji, blushing emoji

Bighair: she says it’s cute

Caddy-the-junglefreak: very cute but Janis you’re avoiding. Add Regina back.

Artfreak: yuo doitt

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I would if I could but I caNT BECAUSE YOURE THE ADMIN

Artfreak: whoa caddy chill

Artfreak: Finn I’ll ade hir bakk

**_Artfreak added Massivedeal to the chat_ **

Artfreak: hapi noe?

Caddy-the-jungkefreak: yes now everyone go to be we have school tomorrow

Artfreak: ok mom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can anyone understand what Janis is saying? I sure can’t. Also, yes she was coherent for that one part because adrenaline makes her focus
> 
> Sorry there’s virtually no Gretchen or Karen content, I have no clue how to write them. This past hour has been shitty for me hence why I’m posting again. Sorry... Lol
> 
> Also that mini rant that Damian had is based on my feelings with how “omw” autocorrects to On my way! Every single time and it annoys the shit out of me. Because unlike Janis, Damian has his autocorrect on. 
> 
> Personally I always picture Veronica as your Winona Ryder because H O T but for the sake of this fic she looks like Barrett (even though she doesn’t in my brain) and it’s still H O T
> 
> So
> 
> Have a lovely evening everyone!


	5. Honidoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lil snippets into the most interesting conversations they have

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these are all based on very true stories (except for the third one) and I only have one more chapter lined up after this (very angsty so buckle up) and I n e e d requests please

**Wednesday, 10:01 am**

Caddy-the-junglefreak: how many federalist papers did Hamilton write?

Too-gay-to-function: 51

Caddy-the-junglefreak: k I looked it up yeah you’re right

Too-gay-to-function: Really?! I just helped the great and powerful Caddy with a question I feel honoured

Caddy-the-junglefreak: shut up you got better than me on the Spanish test

Too-gay-to-function: ok I’ve beaten you like once in my entire life still it’s AN HONOUR

Caddy-the-junglefreak: AHAHAHA I appreciate it tho

Artfreak: I’ll have you know I have helped caddy with over a million questions in my lifetime. Caddy was constantly needing my help for school questions so…. (:

Caddy-the-junglefreak: yeah Damian

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I’m a dumb bitch at heart

Artfreak: Exactly!

Artfreak: and I never needed her help AT ALL

Caddy-the-junglefreak: ok now you’re taking it too far

Artfreak: what are you saying? It’s true

Too-gay-to-function: Janis, I love you, but come up with a more believable lie

**Wednesday, 2:27 pm**

Artfreak: hey guys

Bighair: yeas?

Massivedeal: what

Artfreak: watch the Shining if you’re not a pussy

Artfreak: you’ll see the dad reminds me of mr. Ludendorff

Artfreak: except the dad is slightly more murderous lol

Artfreak: oh wait I found the clip you don’t have to watch the whole thing

Artfreak: The Shining- Typewriter Tantrum! - YouTube

Artfreak: yuu si?

Artfreak: it’s mr. Ludendorff

**Wednesday, 9:13 pm**

Artfreak: wii ca nt u s w e a r on ROBLOX

Artfreak: I jus Wana buli Sven Yr odes is taht tooo much tonsak

Massivedeal: I think it would be the other way round hun

Massivedeal: most of them spell better than you

Massivedeal: and you’re ten years older than them

Artfreak: wi wer wee evaer frens

Massivedeal: you realize we’re friends now right?

Artfreak: debabtke

Massivedeal: I pity your English teacher.

Artfreak: Fuck you you cocksucking whore

Massivedeal: oh so she can spell if she wants to

Artfreak: kno aye c ano t

**Friday, 10:03 pm**

Artfreak: JUST DID A BAD THING

Artfreak: I REGRET THE THING I DID

Artfreak: YOURE PROBLY WONDRING WHAT IT IS

Artfreak: ILL TELL YOU WHAT I DID

Artfreak: I DID A B A A A A A D D D THING

Massivedeal: *facepalm* what did you do this time

Yourebeautiful: AHAHA I HAVE PICTURES HOLD ON

Yourebeautiful: [attachment: redface.jpg]

Yourebeautiful: [attachment: splotchy.jpg]

Yourebeautiful: [attachment: itburns.jpg]

Yourebeautiful: [attachment honeydoo.jpg]

Yourebeautiful: she is beauty she is grace she really loves to stuff her face

Yourebeautiful: oh shit

Yourebeautiful: [attachment: angryjanis.jpg]

Artfreak: she is beauty she is grace she will punch you in the face

Dumb-bitch-energy: is anyone gonna tell me what she did and why her face looks orandge?

Bighair: yes please I want to know

Bighair: this is gonna be entertaining I can tell

Yourebeautiful: ok so

Yourebeautiful: Janis decided that tonight was the night she would practise ~self care~ so she decided to use this purifying charcoal mask

Yourebeautiful: and you’re supposed to leave it on like ten minutes

Yourebeautiful: but Janis’s face started burning after around five minutes

Yourebeautiful: or so she said

Yourebeautiful: but

Yourebeautiful: she refused to take it off and even left it on longer than recommended because “it wasn’t dry yet”

Yourebeautiful: five minutes ago she was complaining baker how the washcloth feels like sandpaper

Yourebeautiful: and so when it was all off she had patches of red all over her face and it’s hilarious

Yourebeautiful: but then

Yourebeautiful: Janis decided she was hungry

Yourebeautiful: so she proceeds to get a container with an ENTIRE HONEYDEW INSIDE that her mother had cut up earlier that day

Yourebeautiful: and she eats the whole thing

Artfreak: waaattt I luvv honidoo

Artfreak: gret nitte if u asske mii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me projecting into fictional characters? Whaaatt??
> 
> Chat #1 replace Cady with me, Hamilton with hitler, 51 papers with “he was elected as chancellor”, and Spanish test with French exam. A brief description of what goes on in online history classes. And the only time she types like a normal human being.
> 
> Chat #2: replace Janis with me, no one replied to my messages either :( and if the link doesn’t work, look up “typewriter tantrum the shining” and it seriously reminds me of one of my English teachers it’s so funny
> 
> Chat #4: based on very true events. Everything that happened to Janis happened to me except I have no pictures and my mother was very concerned for my wellbeing. But yes I had an entire melon to myself. At 10 pm. What about it? (Also I wrote a Six fic based on this event alone, titled “it’s called self care!”) It’s the most interesting thing to happen to me this quarantine...


	6. Regina Fucked up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yourebeautiful: Janis won’t stop crying and I’m not sure why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very angsty chapter for @angstyauthor(wedontwritelemons)!! She requested Damian and Janis angst so I did my best to deliver. I’m trying to stick to no irl encounters though, but I did put a call in!
> 
> Also if you want some more crackhead stuff (not sure what else to call it) check out her work “fuck it, let’s be ghost hunters” (there’s a bunch of side stories too, it’s amazing!) or if you ant more angst, go check out literally any of her other works. Very angsty. And very good. 
> 
> Trigger warning: uncensored use of the d-slur (bc it’s canon)

**Saturday, 1:57 am**

Artfreak: Damian

Massivedeal: OHMYGOD JANIS GO TO SLEEP

Yourebeautiful: no seriously spam the chat wake up Damian

Yourebeautiful: she’s having a really hard time rn

Yourebeautiful: DAMIAN

Bighair: what’s going on?

Dumb-bitch-energy: ^

Caddy-the-junglefreak: ^^

Massivedeal: ^^^

Straightjock™️: ^^^^

Yourebeautiful: Janis is spiralling and I’m not sure what to do… I can barely understand what she’s saying and all I’m getting is “get Damian”

Yourebeautiful: so please just spam the chat or something

Too-gay-to-function: I’M HERE JANIS WHATS WRONG

Yourebeautiful: Janis won’t stop crying and I’m not sure why

Too-gay-to-function: oh shit oh fuck not again

Yourebeautiful: she’s not saying anything and I really want to help her but I don’t know how

Yourebeautiful: she wants to call you

Too-gay-to-function: yeah of course

**Call transcript:**

Damian: Janis? Are you there?

Janis: Damian…

Damian: okay, Janis, you’re going to have to talk to me. Take a deep breath and tell me what’s wrong. I’m walking out the door now, I’ll be there soon. Just breathe, okay?

Janis: I’m having bad thoughts again… I was getting better but then I saw an old post on social media and it said “space dyke” and that’s all it took for me to start thinking again and how Regina said those things and then how she got the entire school to say them too and how everyone would tell me I was worthless and maybe I am worth—

Damian: whoa, okay, slow down. You’re rambling. You’re not worthless, I promise. You have so many people who love you and care for you. Veronica is still with you, right? Can you pass me to her for a second? I promise it’ll be quick.

Janis: y-yeah hold on.

Veronica: Damian?

Damian: hi. Okay so a little bit of backstory just so you know cause I doubt Janis told you anything, she’s super sensitive about it: Janis and Regina were best friends until they were about twelve and Regina accused her of being a lesbian and said she couldn’t come to her thirteenth birthday. She kept pestering, in front of the entire school, until Janis snapped and shouted “I am a SPACE ALIEN and I have FOUR BUTTS”. The next day at school someone wrote “space dyke” on her locker and she was basically homeschooled for the rest of the year. It was hard on her but she’s been getting better and I guess she saw a post that triggered her so she relapsed

Veronica: oh my god, that’s terrible!

Damian: yeah. So she’s usually pretty okay with hugs, but I’m the only one who ever comforts her so see if she’s up for a hug and make sure she knows she’s in the present. Sometimes she gets flashbacks. Actually, you know what, pass the phone back to her. I’ll do the talking. Just try to hug her until I get there. Thanks so much, by the way.

Veronica: it’s no problem, you’ve both been so helpful when I would spiral. Okay, I’ll pass you to her now.

Janis: D-Damian?

Damian: Janis, listen to me. Where are you?

Janis: I-in my bed.

Damian: Do you know what day it is?

Janis: it’s Saturday? November 15, around two am

Damian: okay. And who is with you?

Janis: V-Veronica.

Damian: And what is Veronica doing?

Janis: She’s hugging me.

Damian: okay, good. Keep going. What else do you see around you? I’m almost there.

Janis: I see the painting I made of us…

Damian: what else?

Janis: I see... my curtains… Damian, I’m tired…

Damian: okay. I’m beer now, so just pass me to Veronica.

Janis: ...can you sleep next to me?

Damian: of course, hun. I’ll see you in a minute.

Janis: okay. Bye.

Veronica: hey Damian, she’s much better. You’re a miracle worker, I swear.

Damian: haha yeah well I’ve had a lot of practise. … Anyways thanks for this, I’ve got it from here. You can go to sleep now.

Veronica: alright. Goodnight, Damian.

Damian: goodnight, Veronica.

**(End of call)**

Too-gay-to-function: Regina I want to punch you so bad right now

Too-gay-to-function: I know Janis forgave you

Too-gay-to-function: but when shit like this happens I get so fucking pissed

Too-gay-to-function: you ruined her life.

Too-gay-to-function: and I love Janis, so I’d do anything for her but I’m fucking tired of comforting her at three in the morning because you couldn’t deal with your own shit so you had to take it out on her

Too-gay-to-function: I just want to make it clear that the only reason why I’m fucking tired of it is because I can’t stand seeing her like this, it physically hurts me

Too-gay-to-function: and if you hadn’t done what you did all of this would have been avoided.

Too-gay-to-function: like I know you probably had all this internalized homophobia bullshit

Too-gay-to-function: but you really fucked up, Regina

Massivedeal: I know, I’m so sorry and I’ll be apologizing for the rest of my life

Massivedeal: I’ve been seriously trying to change, I promise

Massivedeal: and I know sorry doesn’t cut it

Massivedeal: but I don’t know what else to do

Too-gay-to-function: I appreciate the fact that you’re trying to change

Too-gay-to-function: sorry about all that I’m a little worked up

Massivedeal: don’t worry I deserved it

Massivedeal: I deserve much worse

Massivedeal: goodnight Damian. And I’m sorry, again…

Too-gay-to-function: it’s fine. Goodnight, Regina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me venting about Regina through Damian? Unheard of.
> 
> Tell me if you guys want a sequel/aftermath to this! I wasn’t really planning on it but I might do a lil blurb of a convo between Janis and Regina.


	7. Oh shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yourebeautiful: oh shit
> 
> Yourebeautiful: I type like Janis
> 
> Yourebeautiful: OH SHIT
> 
> Yourebeautiful: I said that?!?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title chapter makes it sound like another angsty chapter but I promise it’s not. Also it’s super short and awkward and makes no sense but WHO CARES
> 
> And yes I’m posting for the third time today, I have inspiration for once so I’m gonna take advantage of it and churn out chapters

**Friday, 11:49 pm**

Yourebeautiful: hllo evrbdy

Massivedeal: Janis did you take Veronicas phone

Yourebeautiful: ittss not jnais it’s veerknca

Yourebeautiful: I’m duinnc

Bighair: drunk?

Yourebeautiful: yyse

Massivedeal: I swear Gretchen how do you do it

Bighair: it’s a gift :)

Artfreak: mmyy paents lft for thw nnghgt si we reaided thw liquier cavinett

Massivedeal: I see

Massivedeal: ok everyone party at Janis’s! I’ll pick you guys up

Artfreak: nuuu lebe uss bea

Massivedeal: I insist

Massivedeal: okay so everyone get ready. Karen, I’m picking you up first, then Gretchen, then Cady, then Aaron and finally Damian

Massivedeal: got it?

Bighair: yup

Caddy-the-junglefreak: yes!

Straightjock™️: mhm

Dumb-bitch-energy: thumbs up emoji!

Too-gay-to-function: got it!

Yourebeautiful: ongg guays yire comjnf jsyt fier uss

Yourebeautiful: okk ssko now yhat weree akll here

Yourebeautiful: idd lekkkk tto use the oopostunuty tooo sayy

Yourebeautiful: I’m byescekkouall

Yourebeautiful: woooo annoyhr shottt

Massivedeal: that’s great sweetie but please try coming out when you can actually spell the word “bisexual”

Massivedeal: and please stop drinking you’re gonna black out

Artfreak: yyss si proud if mt bby cosjn fir comung outtt

Caddy-the-junglefreak: Janis you’re literally three weeks older than her

Artfreak: bby (:

Yourebeautiful: itsss ad boii hors noe wooOoOoo

Yourebeautiful: I cri :’)

Artfreak: nuuu bby cuszin don te crii

Straightjock™️: you guys are literally in the same house why are you texting each other?

Artfreak: Shut The Fuck Up Straight Boy

Straightjock™️: well now I’m offended

Artfreak: gouodd

**Saturday, 2 pm**

Yourebeautiful: holy fuck I have a huge headache… how very.

Bighair: uhh… Veronica, do you remember anything that happened last night?

Yourebeautiful: I remember getting drunk… and texting you guys

Bighair: do you remember what you wrote?

Yourebeautiful: ...no, why?

Bighair: sweetie scroll up

Yourebeautiful: oh shit

Yourebeautiful: I type like Janis

Yourebeautiful: OH SHIT

Yourebeautiful: I said that?!?!

Dumb-bitch-energy: it’s okay we support you! Happy face emoji, rainbow flag emoji, heart emoji!

Yourebeautiful: thanks guys

Yourebeautiful: so besides the obvious (*cough cough* Damian and Janis) is anyone else a part of the LGBTQ+ community?

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I’m bi!

Yourebeautiful: HELL YEAH BI GIRL SOLIDARITY

Caddy-the-junglefreak: WHOOP WHOOP

Bighair: I’m ace/aro :)

Massivedeal: I’m still figuring my shit out

Straightjock™️: if my name wasn’t obvious enough, I’m straight, but I support!

Dumb-bitch-energy: same! ;) :))))

Artfreak: aiii stabd bye mye prevus statnemt

Artfreak: prodd off maye bby cuszin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Veronica Sawyer is bisexual i have decided and y’all can’t change my mind 😌
> 
> So this is my way of saying happy pride month, I guess. Happy pride month!! We’re over halfway through but still.
> 
> I don’t think any of them will start dating tho, tbh I don’t really ship them
> 
> Fun fact, every time I wrote for Janis or Veronica I crossed my eyes and tried to guess where the letters were. Very effective 
> 
> Question for the Be More Chill fandom: does anyone actually ship Jeremy and Christine? Because every person I know that likes BMC ships Boyf riends 
> 
> Keep the requests coming, I have one more chapter and a few snippets that will hopefully get longer


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to @ladeedadaday! I hope it came out to your liking!
> 
> Enjoy whatever... this is

**Friday, 2:54 pm**

  
Dumb-bitch-energy: Scared emoji, curious emoji, running emoji, girl emoji, laughing emoji

Bighair: she did WHAT

Massivedeal: Gretchen you’re the only one who can understand Karen please explain

Bighair: Janis just ran out of the room laughing like a maniac and Karen isn’t sure whether she should be confused or scared

Dumb-bitch-energy: teacher emoji, running emoji, angry emoji

Bighair: the teacher just ran after her screaming

Caddy-the-junglefreak: what’s going on?

Massivedeal: read up

Caddy-the-junglefreak: pictures/videos please

Dumb-bitch-energy: [attachment: theyzoom.mov]

Dumb-bitch-energy: [attachment: escape.mov]

Dumb-bitch-energy: [attachment: trapt.mov]

Too-gay-to-function: omg she got caught she’s going to the principals office

Bighair: but how did she get in trouble?

Dumb-bitch-energy: bird emoji, bee emoji, mouth emoji, pill emoji, raised hand emoji, bird emoji, bee emoji, X emoji, mouth emoji, pill emoji, two girls holding hands emoji, rainbow flag emoji, swearing emoji, laughing emoji, laughing emoji, angry emoji, book emoji, running emoji

Bighair: oh my

Bighair: so in biology they were doing sex Ed and mr. Bunsen was talking about oral contraceptives (birth control pills) and then Janis raised her hand and said “I don’t need to take the pill because I may be sexually active but I’m gay as fuck” and it made the entire class laugh se he got mad and approached her desk and started lecturing her but she just took all her things and zoomed out of the class

Bighair: you guys know the rest

Yourebeautiful: Janis is a legend omg

Artfreak: life update: I got titenshun for boeing Rudd to the tea cher a nd fer swe rin in klasc… and for rummng out of klasc

Artfreak: and itt was last proid dam

Yourebeautiful: TITENSHUN OMG

Yourebeautiful: I stand by my previous statement

Artfreak: this is principal Duvall. Janis’s phone has been confiscated. I suggest you all stop texting and pay attention in class

**_Artfreak has muted the chat_ **

Too-gay-to-function: oh shiiiittttt

Too-gay-to-function: guys I have a plan

Too-gay-to-function: we need to break Janis out of detention

Too-gay-to-function: Regina you’re the designated driver right

Massivedeal: ...yes?

Too-gay-to-function: okay so everyone when class ends we’re going to meet up in the girls bathroom on the first floor

Too-gay-to-function: bring everything you need to bring home with you

Too-gay-to-function: everyone will have a job

Too-gay-to-function: Regina, since you’re the only one who has a listence you will get your stuff and wait in the car

Too-gay-to-function: mrs. Norbery is in charge of DTs today so caddy, you’re going to distract her. Tell her you have some question on whetever it is you’re learning atm

Too-gay-to-function: Aaron you go with her

Caddy-the-junglefreak: but I know exactly what’s going on

Straightjock™️: still fine cause I don’t

Too-gay-to-function: ok perfect so you guys are going together under the pretence that Aaron has a question. Make sure it’s quick though. I’ll text you when it’s time to leave

Too-gay-to-function: Karen and Gretchen, you two will distract principal Duvall. Do whatever it takes, I don’t care

Too-gay-to-function: Veronica, do you happen to know how to pick locks?

Yourebeautiful: of course

Yourebeautiful: I can also copy virtually anyone’s handwriting

Too-gay-to-function: perfect you and me will rescue Janis and I’ll text you guys when she’s safely in the car

Too-gay-to-function: everybody got it?

Caddy-the-junglefreak: yup

Straightjock™️: yip

Dumb-bitch-energy: thumbs up emoji!

Bighair: yes

Massivedeal: mhm

Yourebeautiful: lets do this

Too-gay-to-function: oop the bell just rang

Too-gay-to-function: operation: break Janis out of the detention is a go!

**  
** **Friday, 3:10 pm**

Too-gay-to-function: guys Janis is safely in the car

Too-gay-to-function: HURRY COME ON GO GO

Yourebeautiful: you guys should have seen him scoop her up and run through the hallway with Janis in his arms bridal style

Yourebeautiful: it was probably the best thing I’ve ever seen

Bighair: Karen and I are on our way

Caddy-the-junglefreak: Aaron was still confused but I made up an excuse about us having to leave earlier

Straightjock™️: I was finally starting to understand what was going on!

Caddy-the-junglefreak: shHhHhHhhhHh I’ll tutor you calm down

Too-gay-to-function: ok guys chop chop Gretchen and Karen are already here

Too-gay-to-function: oh wait nvm I see you

Too-gay-to-function: operation: get Janis back was successful

**_Artfreak has unmuted the chat_ **

Artfreak: auww u giis ewnt tuo al thatt frr mii (:

Artfreak: ily gays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Her reason for getting in trouble was probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard and I even went on reddit to look for some lol. I’m not the best with these kind of things cause I never get in trouble... a teacher slightly reprimands me and I’m ready to cry so
> 
> P l e a s e I need more ideas I’ve run out of interesting convos with my friends I only have one other chapter written and it’s super short
> 
> Cause like we have funny convos but most of them are related to who is going to be in our English class next year (we made a list and everything lmao very entertaining)


	9. Maroon 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caddy-the-junglefreak: omg
> 
> Caddy-the-junglefreak: bitch
> 
> Caddy-the-junglefreak: I take that back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to you grillasshole 
> 
> And banana
> 
> (:
> 
> Jk jk ily guys
> 
> But seriously 
> 
> Thank you for (indirectly) giving me ideas and chapters, y’all are the reason why I’m surviving quarantine at this point
> 
> Hope you enjoy! 💜

** Saturday, 3:07 pm **

Too-gay-to-function: BTW I just put on my maroon 5 shirt so you know what that means

Caddy-the-junglefreak: ...no I don’t what does it mean

Artfreak: YESSS WE DO

Artfreak: HE BINNG A SAVAGE

Caddy-the-junglefreak: omg you know what this is kinda random but Janis I ship you with Danny devito girl lets go

Too-gay-to-function: OMG SHE CAN WRITE YOU A MOVIE

Artfreak: caddy you can have Shane Oman

Caddy-the-junglefreak: honestly you two are by far the most interesting people I know

Caddy-the-junglefreak: omg

Caddy-the-junglefreak: bitch

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I take that back

Too-gay-to-function: hey I didn’t say anything

Caddy-the-junglefreak: like I want the stoner

Artfreak: CADDY YOU KNOW WE KEEP THINGS INTERESTING

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I can take all his drug money and buy myself something nice

Too-gay-to-function: lol

Artfreak: yess u doo taht

Caddy-the-junglefreak: Damian you’re interesting

Caddy-the-junglefreak: Janis you’re a bitch

Caddy-the-junglefreak: but I love you

Too-gay-to-function: thank you!!!

Artfreak: eh I’m used to it

Artfreak: but don’t worry you’ll see gaymians TRUE colours soon

Too-gay-to-function: *eye roll*

Artfreak: the rolling of the eyes shows that he knows I’m telling the truth

Too-gay-to-function: caddy as you can see Janis’s true colours can’t come cause they are constantly dropping from her lol (sorry for the shade)

Artfreak: just be careful caddy cuz people who have maroon 5 shirts are dangerous

Too-gay-to-function: don’t worry my hoodie is on

Caddy-the-junglefreak: are y’all trying to win me over now or something

Artfreak: I don’t need to win you over I have already won!

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I love how Damian apologizes

Too-gay-to-function: lol

Caddy-the-junglefreak: hmmm I don’t know about that Janis…

Artfreak: he’s only doing that cuz yoire here or else he shades me with no hesitation

Artfreak: umm I do know

Too-gay-to-function: hardcore FACTS

Artfreak: this is for padre you big fat white nasty smelling fat bitch why you took me off the mother f stroller

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I-

Too-gay-to-function: cause you’re adopted

Artfreak: WAHT

Artfreak: PADRE WHAT ARE YOU TEYIJG TO SAY

Too-gay-to-function: we found you in a garbage can

Caddy-the-junglefreak: OOF

Artfreak: U KNOW WHATPADRE IM LIVING WITH MADRÉ ANS WE GOIJG TO SUE YOIE ASS

Too-gay-to-function: not even a recycling bin A GARBAGE CAN it was a premonition of the future

Caddy-the-junglefreak: omg savage

Artfreak: BITCH WII AR CONIMG FR U IN CORRT

Caddy-the-junglefreak: it’s the shirt istg

Artfreak: U GOTTA BE CAREFUL WITH THE SHIRT

Too-gay-to-function: it only happens when it’s in

Caddy-the-junglefreak: ok so I’m with Gretchen Karen and Regina right now and they’re on Omegle talking to strangers and Karen just told the other person “you wanna see my ass” and I’m just-

Artfreak: WHATAHSHSHS

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I know shshsgsg

Too-gay-to-function: aaaahhhhh

Too-gay-to-function: Janis play murder mystery with me

Too-gay-to-function: and caddy I need your murdering skillsssss

Caddy-the-junglefreak: well I have no muredring skills but

Caddy-the-junglefreak: joined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, Cady is me lmao
> 
> Until I was typing this up I didn’t realize how fast we change the subject 
> 
> I don’t even know what was going on and I was THERE during the conversation
> 
> AND today I left the house and bought pride converse!! I’m so happy lol


	10. What now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artfteak: I fucked up rill baade
> 
> Massivedeal: what’s new
> 
> Artfreak: wow ok rude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter 
> 
> I mean they’re all short but who cares
> 
> Anyways I hope you enjoy!

**Sunday, 10:12 am**

  
Artfteak: I fucked up rill baade

Massivedeal: what’s new

Artfreak: wow ok rude

Caddy-the-junglefreak: what happened this time Janis

Artfreak: ok so I thot it wound be a gudd iedeia two kooc

Bighair: oh no

Bighair: what happened

Artfreak: there’s a lott of smock

Too-gay-to-function: oh god

Massivedeal: why are you still texting?!

Artfreak: theirs no firr do nt wori

Artfreak: I jus want Ed waufels :(

Yourebeautiful: JANIS SARKISIAN WHY DID I WAKE UP TO THE SMELL OF SMOKE

Straightjock™️: your cousin over there thought it was a good idea to make waffles despite the fact that she apparently doesn’t know how to cook

Artfreak: I have admin power

Artfreak: I can kick you out if I want to

Straightjock™️: do it

Straightjock™️: i dare you

_**Artfreak remover straightjock™️ from the chat** _

Artfreak: hee hadde it cumming

Caddy-the-junglefreak: ok but you’re gonna have to add him back

Artfreak: bout whyyyyyyiiieee

Yourebeautiful: just do it.

Too-gay-to-function: NIKE

Artfreak: wow someone’s grumpy

Yourebeautiful: wow someone’s being a bitch

Artfreak: WHOT didd I doo two u

Yourebeautiful: I woke up thinking that the hoUSE WAS ON FIRE BECAUSE /SOMEONE/ DOESNT KNOW HOW TO MAKE WAFFLES

Artfreak: well fuck you too I guess

Yourebeautiful: shut up

Bighair: well okay then

Bighair: does anyone have plans today?

Dumb-bitch-energy: shopping emoji, two people emoji, questioning emoji?

Bighair: of course I’ll come to the mall with you!

Bighair: anyone else want to come?

Massivedeal: I’m in

Caddy-the-junglefreak: sure!

Too-gay-to-function: Janis?

Artfreak: kno not in tha muud

Artfreak: muuvis at hom?

Too-gay-to-function: yes!

Yourebeautiful: … I think I’m just gonna stay in my room all day

Yourebeautiful: not really in the mood to socialize

Too-gay-to-function: you can join us if you’d like

Yourebeautiful: I’m good, thanks

Artfreak: Veronica you know I didn’t mean what I said right

Yourebeautiful: yeah it’s just one of those days

Artfreak: off I fiilll u

Too-gay-to-function: say no more I will be there soon with ice cream and cuddles

Too-gay-to-function: we will cuddle you for as long as you need

Too-gay-to-function: right Janis

Too-gay-to-function RIGHT JANIS

Artfreak: YES YES I LEAF MY FON FRO ON SE COND OMG

Artfreak: do t uori, wel cudl u ;)

Yourebeautiful: thanks guys <33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Veronica is me. Every single day.
> 
> Anyone notice how Janis never added him back? Let’s just pretend she did sometime after that conversation.
> 
> Was that??? Angst?? A bit?? I’m not even sure anymore
> 
> Next chapter will include a wonderful meltdown my friend had last night over FaceTime 
> 
> ...so thanks. If you’re reading this, you know who you are
> 
> And if you’re looking for pure angst, go check out @angstyauthor’s profile (it’s worth it, trust me) ....... or stay tuned because I’ve got something I have yet to start writing coming your way :)


	11. Waste of time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too-gay-to-function: HOT WATER
> 
> Too-gay-to-function: COLD WATER
> 
> Too-gay-to-function: HOT WATER WITH SALT
> 
> Too-gay-to-function: COLD WATER WITH SALT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grillasshole, if you’re reading this, this ones for you.
> 
> 🙃😌
> 
> Sorry you had to go through all of that but like... great material

**Saturday, 8:19 pm**

  
Too-gay-to-function: I HAVE SPENT

Too-gay-to-function: EIGHT HOURS OF MY DAY

Too-gay-to-function: WATCHING FUCKING WATER

Too-gay-to-function: TURN TO ICE

Too-gay-to-function: HOT WATER

Too-gay-to-function: COLD WATER

Too-gay-to-function: HOT WATER WITH SALT

Too-gay-to-function: COLD WATER WITH SALT

Too-gay-to-function: this is what my life has been reduced to

Artfreak: SHSHSHSJJSJJJDH

Too-gay-to-function: SHUT UP IT WAS YOU AND AARON WHO WANTED TO DO IT

Too-gay-to-function: BUT WHO DID IT IN THE END

Too-gay-to-function: NOT YOU TWO

Too-gay-to-function: NOOO CADDY AND I HAD TO DO IT BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO LAZY

Too-gay-to-function: AND GUESS WHAT

Too-gay-to-function: BOTH OF OUR RESULTS WERE ALL WRONG

Too-gay-to-function: SO WHATS MR. BUNSEN GETTING??

Too-gay-to-function: NOT OUR RESULTS THATS FOR SURE

Too-gay-to-function: AND I HAD TO CHECK IT EVERY TWENTY FUVKINH MINUTES TO RECORD RESULTS

Too-gay-to-function: A SIMPLE INTERNET SEARCH TOLD US WHAT WE NEEDED TO KNOW

Too-gay-to-function: BUT NOOOO YOU GUYS WANTED TO DO IT YOURSELVES

Artfreak: OUKCAI DAMIN CSJILL IEYM SORI

Too-gay-to-function: whatever it’s fine

Caddy-the-junglfreak: -_-

Artfreak: mooveng unn noe

Caddy-the-junglfreak: did you add Aaron back yet

Artfreak: nop (:

**  
Monday, 8:20 pm**

Too-gay-to-function: quick update: all is well and I’m handing it in tomorrow

Too-gay-to-function: now add Aaron back or I’m gonna take your phone and do it for you

Artfreak: phinn

Artfreak added Straightjock™️ to the chat

Straightjock™️: thank you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s so short, I wanted to get this update out so I can post the next chapter after this, which I’m kind of excited for. If you’re expecting the Plastics or Aaron in the next chapter, well, don’t.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!


	12. Group therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too-gay-to-function: Janis you’re probably wondering why we’re all here
> 
> Artfreak: maybe a little
> 
> Too-gay-to-function: this is an intervention
> 
> Too-gay-to-function: it’s time to let go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick shoutout to my friends because this convo really made me laugh
> 
> (:
> 
> I’m legitimately concerned for us at this point but hey schools out so that’s one less stress!

**Tuesday, 4:54 pm**

  
Artfreak: Whatcha guys doing

Yourebeautiful: YouTube

Too-gay-to-function: omw to my grandparents house

Yourebeautiful: fun

Too-gay-to-function: meh

Too-gay-to-function: I love them but like I want to be home

Yourebeautiful: relatable

Artfreak: haha

Too-gay-to-function: what are you doing Janis

Artfreak: playing roblox

Yourebeautiful: shocker

Too-gay-to-function: let me guess

Too-gay-to-function: aDoPt Me?

Artfreak: oF COURSE

Artfreak: Ik Veronica it’s shocking

Too-gay-to-function: WHAT do you see in that game

Artfreak: Well I’m renovating my house and I love doing that so that’s why I’ve been playing a lot recently

Too-gay-to-function: mmhmm

Yourebeautiful: (it’s a serious addiction)

Artfreak: it is not!!!

Too-gay-to-function: Janis you’re probably wondering why we’re all here

Artfreak: maybe a little

Too-gay-to-function: this is an intervention

Too-gay-to-function: it’s time to let go

Yourebeautiful: lol

Artfreak: hi my name is Janis and I have an addiction to adopt me

Too-gay-to-function: THIS ISNT ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS SJSHDHDH

Too-gay-to-function: were not your support group shshshgsgs

Artfreak: YOU ARE NOW

Yourebeautiful: Ooof

Too-gay-to-function: ok fine

Artfreak: ok then

Too-gay-to-function: let it all off your chest sweetheart

Artfreak: hi my name is Janis and I have an addiction to adopt me

Artfreak: it’s been going on for a while now

Yourebeautiful: facts

Too-gay-to-function: “hello Janis. Thank you for sharing your story.”

Artfreak: I just can’t stop playing it’s too fun

Artfreak: BITCH IM NOT DONE

Artfreak: ok let me continue

Too-gay-to-function: WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW

Too-gay-to-function: YOURE TAKING TOO LONG TO TYPE

Yourebeautiful: …..

Artfreak: MAYBE YOUR A TOO FAST READER

Artfreak: ok then

Artfreak: Regina started my addiction and she keeps feeding it

Artfreak: I need help

Artfreak: thank you

Too-gay-to-function: hello Brianna. Thank you for sharing your story.

Too-gay-to-function: wait you were done right

Artfreak: thank you very much

Artfreak: yes I am thank you

Artfreak: Veronica your turn

Yourebeautiful: …

Yourebeautiful: I

Yourebeautiful: really want a dog

Yourebeautiful: and a pool

Too-gay-to-function: thank you for sharing your story

Too-gay-to-function: unless there’s more

Yourebeautiful: :)

Yourebeautiful: no I rest my case

Artfreak: wow that was deep

Yourebeautiful: I REALLY WANT A DOGGGGG

Too-gay-to-function: LMAO

Too-gay-to-function: Ok my turn in that case

Too-gay-to-function: I am in no way a therapist

Artfreak: ok Damian your turn

Yourebeautiful: yea

Too-gay-to-function: I’m not good with emotions

Too-gay-to-function: hi my name is Damian and I’m obsessed with Hamilton

Too-gay-to-function: the songs are just so good

Too-gay-to-function: AND THE FRENCH ACCENT

Artfreak: Damian when did this addiction start

Yourebeautiful: …

Too-gay-to-function: and the actors are so frickin gorgeous too

Too-gay-to-function: …it started about four months ago

Yourebeautiful: :o

Artfreak: wow Damian that is very deep. Now everyone

Artfreak: were here for u Damian

Too-gay-to-function: I’m driving my parents crazy because I randomly burst into song at the worst times and I’m a shitty singer

Too-gay-to-function: thanks (:

Yourebeautiful: :)

Artfreak: ok I have another addiction

Artfreak: oh wait

Too-gay-to-function: ooh what else

Too-gay-to-function: I mean same

Artfreak: Damian thank you for sharing your story

Yourebeautiful: I like dogs :)

Artfreak: hi my name is Janis and I am obsessed with Megan fox

Yourebeautiful: oh no

Artfreak: it’s gotten out of hand

Artfreak: I have her as my lock screen and home screen. I have around 200 photos of her on my phone and all of my YouTube recommendations are his interviews

Too-gay-to-function: oh my…

Yourebeautiful: ……………

Artfreak: I have also seen all of her movies twice

Too-gay-to-function: were here for you Janis

Yourebeautiful: yea

Artfreak: thank you :)

Too-gay-to-function: thank you for sharing your story

Artfreak: thank you very much

Too-gay-to-function: Veronica? Do you have any other addictions worth mentioning!

Yourebeautiful: …

Yourebeautiful: tiktok boys be lookin cute :) not really an addiction but

Too-gay-to-function: that’s okay we’re still here for you

Too-gay-to-function: thank you for sharing your story

Yourebeautiful: *sniff* thank you

Yourebeautiful: :’(

Artfreak: we're here for you Veronica

Artfreak: Damian do you have a story to tell us

Too-gay-to-function: yes

Artfreak: go ahead

Yourebeautiful: Cady is missing out on an amazing therapy session

Yourebeautiful: just saying…

Artfreak: ik like where she at

Too-gay-to-function: my name is Damian and I’m addicted to musical theatre. That’s all.

Too-gay-to-function: I know right

Artfreak: oh no more of those

Too-gay-to-function: yes

Too-gay-to-function: it’s gotten so bad I made edits of them on PicsArt

Yourebeautiful: and that’s ok :)

Yourebeautiful: you do you

Artfreak: were here for you Damian

Too-gay-to-function: thank you :’(

Too-gay-to-function: anyways go stream Hamilton on Spotify and Apple Music

Artfreak: Damian promoting this musical

Too-gay-to-function: ofc I’m addicted (:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Then we started talking about how Costco may never have free samples again... but it was sort of irrelevant so I left it out.
> 
> This time, Damian is m e. Replace Hamilton with Six: the musical and musical theatre with Aimie Atkinson, Millie O’Connell and Barrett wilbert weed, you’ll see how the conversation went. Oh yes and replace Megan fox with Timothee chalamet.
> 
> AND YES I AM AWARE JANIS TYPES LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN HERE BUT ITS SO MUCH WORK and it makes my brain hurt so I’m giving myself a break from Janis speak


	13. Middle School All Over Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artfreak: Reginald
> 
> Artfreak: Reginald
> 
> Artfreak: Reginald
> 
> Artfreak: Reginald
> 
> Artfreak: Reginald
> 
> Artfreak: Reginald
> 
> Artfreak: Reginald
> 
> Artfreak: Reginald

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested by @angstyauthor, I hope this lived up to your expectations. 
> 
> Now go check out her new fic, “broadway high”, because it’s so good and deserves a lot of hype 
> 
> Anyways
> 
> Enjoy!

**Wednesday, 3:04 am**

Artfreak: insomnias a bitch

Artfreak: my iis are blo odsh ot and I’m fucking ecsotedd

Artfreak: Reginald

Artfreak: Reginald

Artfreak: Reginald

Artfreak: Reginald

Artfreak: Reginald

Artfreak: Reginald

Artfreak: Reginald

Artfreak: Reginald

Massivedeal: OH MY GOD JANIS DO YOU EVER FUCKING STOP

Massivedeal: ITS THREE IN THE MORNING IM TRYING TO SLEEP LEAVE ME ALONE

Massivedeal: YOURE SO FUCKING ANNOYING

Massivedeal: I swear it’s like you’re in love with me or something just FUCKING STOP

Massivedeal has muted the chat

Too-gay-to-function: *gasp*

Artfreak: well shit Regina I didn’t know you still felt that way

Artfreak: I don’t know why I bother

Artfreak has muted the chat

Too-gay-to-function: Janis?

Too-gay-to-function: JANIS

Too-gay-to-function: VERONICA @yourebeautiful wake up

Yourebeautiful: huh what

Too-gay-to-function: read up

Too-gay-to-function: I’m on my way but can you check on Janis?

Yourebeautiful: oh shit yeah ofc

Yourebeautiful: I’m coming to your room Janis hold on

Too-gay-to-function: fucking shit Regina you can’t let her catch a break

Too-gay-to-function: it’s middle school all over again...

Bighair: ...I’ll admit that was a little uncalled for

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I get it we’re all a little annoyed that Janis keeps texting us at three am but… seriously? That was low. You know she’s fragile. Even more than gretchen. And that’s saying something

Bighair: true I’m very fragile :’)

Yourebeautiful: Damian she’s pretty okay now I think I’m gonna stay with her for the night so if you haven’t left yet don’t worry about it

Yourebeautiful: you’re still welcome to come if you’d like for peace of mind

Yourebeautiful: but she’s asleep rn and I’m not planning on leaving her side

Yourebeautiful: [attachment: sleepyjanis.jpg]

Bighair: awww she looks so peaceful :)

Too-gay-to-function: as long as she’s okay now

Too-gay-to-function: just text me if anything

Yourebeautiful: will do :) I’m gonna get some sleep now goodnight guys

Bighair: goodnight!

Too-gay-to-function: gn <3

Dumb-bitch-energy: sleeping emoji, heart emoji!

Caddy-the-junglefreak: good night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was that. I wanted to make it longer but idk how to stretch out the angst. And tomorrow’s chapter will be longer so... stay tuned?
> 
> Can someone please tell me what middle school is like? Is it he’ll like everyone says? Where I live we go straight from elementary to high school, and high school lasts five years (from grades 7 to 11). So I’ve never really had a “middle school experience”. Someone please enlighten me
> 
> Oh yeah and what’s the “high school experience” like in that case??
> 
> Also I’ve been redecorating my room and I opened up this portfolio I had with old art stuff that was behind this couch I have and THERE WERE LIKE TEN FRICKIN SILVERFISH INSIDE I SWEAR I ALMOST DIED
> 
> I literally screamed and threw it on the floor lol


	14. Drinking ft. Mental Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artfreak: noooooo iei do nt wamntt toos top
> 
> Too-gay-to-function: don’t worry you will never top
> 
> Too-gay-to-function: you heard it here first kids-Janis Sarkisian is a bottom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For @angstyauthor! She’s been a huge help with coming up with ideas for this fic and she’s been extremely supportive. Go check out her works!
> 
> She requested drunk Janis and this happened

**Friday, 1:23 am**

  
Artfreak: TITS

Too-gay-to-function: Janis are you alright

Artfreak: watht eyenm grett

Yourebeautiful: she’s very drunk

Yourebeautiful: I decided I didn’t want to make the same mistake as last time

Massivedeal: do you need any help over there?

Yourebeautiful: no it’s fine she’s super harmless

Artfreak: I WANNA BE A COWBOY BABY

Yourebeautiful: did I mention annoying? She’s also annoying.

Artfreak: bitch eye kann hertt u eef eye wanntto

Artfreak: fuck you

Yourebeautiful: trust me you don’t want to get on my bad side if you have a hangover

Caddy-the-junglfreak: why not?

Yourebeautiful: ...you just don’t

Yourebeautiful: OH WAIT I FORGOT we had this conversation already

Yourebeautiful: I didn’t happen to mention HOW I killed my best friend/worst enemy did I?

Bighair: ...no

Yourebeautiful: ok well I wanted to get back at heather so I mixed her a hangover cure that was just supposed to make her sick but as a joke my dead abusive ex filled a cup with liquid drain-o and told heather it was a hangover cure but I accidentally grabbed that cup and gave it to her killing her instantly anyways that was how I committed my first murder what about you guys

Bighair: I...

Yourebeautiful: :’’))

Yourebeautiful: hey did you guys know drunk Janis is surprisingly good at comforting you during a panic attack

Artfreak: shi panik so I kalm

Too-gay-to-function: VERONICA

Too-gay-to-function: WHY DO YOU KEEP TRIGGERING YOURSELF

Yourebeautiful: so much sets me off lol it’s unreal

Yourebeautiful: and talking about it makes everything better in the long run

Dumb-bitch-energy: thumbs up emoji, sad emoji, blushing emoji, heart emoji, hug emoji

Bighair: she says it’s a good thing to let it all out but she feels bad you had to go through all this and she’ll always be here for you if you need a hug

Yourebeautiful: aww thanks Karen <333

Artfreak: shiis betr noe (:

Artfreak: this bitch enptii

Artfreak: YEET

Artfreak: tits a avacodo

Artfreak: thanckssssss

Yourebeautiful: shes shouting them at the same time omg kill me now

Yourebeautiful: where’s JD when I need him

Yourebeautiful: she’s not stopping anytime soon oh god

Artfreak: and that’s Uranus

Yourebeautiful: help

Artfreak: daddy werress my anus

Artfreak: MOTHERTRUCKER DU DE

Artfreak: THAT HURT LIKE A BUTTCHEEK O N A ST I CK

Artfreak: FRE SH AVO CADO

Artfreak: rowde worck a head

Artfreak:Uh yahh iei suere hoppe itt dos

Artfreak: hurrincan kattrnna

Artfreak: mourre leieke hurrincann TORTILA

Artfreak: hey I’m a lesbian

Bighair: we been knew sis

Dumb-bitch-energy: I thought you were American? Confused emoji, rainbow flag emoji, American flag emoji

Artfreak: DINGDINGDING UU GOTTE ITT RITE

Yourebeautiful: okay Janis time for bed let’s go

Artfreak: noooooo iei do nt wamntt toos top

Too-gay-to-function: don’t worry you will never top

Too-gay-to-function: you heard it here first kids-Janis Sarkisian is a bottom

Artfreak: Asshole

Yourebeautiful: Janis

Yourebeautiful: if you don’t come sleep right now I will shoot you with tranquilizer bullets

Yourebeautiful: spoiler alert—they’re real bullets

Yourebeautiful: and that’s how I committed my second and third murders kids

Yourebeautiful: I did it again Shit

Yourebeautiful: Janis come here I need a hug

Artfreak: onne itte

Yourebeautiful: thanks Janis <333

Artfreak: (: iuu luvve miiiii

Yourebeautiful: ofc I do that why I want you IN BED RIGHT THIS INSTANT

Artfreak: okaii :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can’t have plot holes if there’s no plot amirite :’)
> 
> Soft Janis??? Is??? Adorable???
> 
> Yes I am very much aware that Veronica is admitting to her crimes and that’s not how real life works but this is MY au okay
> 
> And yes I know she treats them like free therapy what about it
> 
> Also this is less related to the fic and more to the actual mean girls storyline I guess but the concept of cliques has always eluded me. Is there seriously that much separation? Like I go to a public school and we have uniforms. Yeah, you can see which group is the “popular” group but are people really scared of them like that? Idk if that even made sense but anyways
> 
> Next chapter, we get joined by some new friends! ;)


	15. God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yourebeautiful: I am never wearing red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For @angstyauthor because she always has the best suggestions and is probably the only reason I’m keeping this fic going rn
> 
> “Blue Janis” is actually something she came up with for her fic called broadway high so go check that out right!!! Now!!! And it’s not like I’m..... waiting for an update or anything...... hahaha why would I be doing that 😅
> 
> But also check out her other fics too because she puts so much work into them and is just a super talented human being who deserves a l l t h e h y p e
> 
> I’m not sure I really like this chapter but... here you go:/
> 
> And please comment suggestions I’m desperate

Too-gay-to-function: yo blue Janis

Yourebeautiful: what

Artfreak: wjst

_**Artfreak changed yourebeautiful’s name to bluejanis** _

Bluejanis: no

_**Bluejanis changed their name to yourebeautiful** _

Yourebeautiful: I HAVE A THEME OKAY I DONT ALWAYS WEAR BLUE

Bighair: ...no comment

Yourebeautiful: oh come on

Massivedeal: I've literally never seen you wear another colour

Massivedeal: try like red or green or yellow every now and again

Yourebeautiful: ummm no

Yourebeautiful: I am never wearing red

Yourebeautiful: purple, sure. But never red.

Yourebeautiful: also that reminds me I have some friends coming to visit Janis is that okay

Artfreak: ser

Artfreak: ad thimm two th c hatt

Yourebeautiful: ...ok

Yourebeautiful: wait I can’t you’re the admin

Artfreak: k wattere theyr uzerrz

Yourebeautiful: @heathermacnamara, @heatherduke, @marthadunstock

**_Artfreak added heathermacnamara to the chat_ **

**_Artfreak added heatherduke to the chat_ **

**_Artfreak added marthadunstock to the chat_ **

**_Heathermacnamara changed their name to yellowscrunchie_ **

**_Heatherduke changed their name to h-duke_ **

**_Marthadunstock shanked their name to kindergartengirlfriend_ **

Yourebeautiful: Janis can you change h-duke to annoyingbitchthatnoonelikes please?

Artfreak: on it

_**Artfreak changed h-duke’s name to annoyingbitchthatnoonelikes** _

Yourebeautiful: hey guys

annoyingbitchthatnoonelikes: fucking bitch

Yourebeautiful: shut the fuck up heather no one even invited you you invited yourself

annoyingbitchthatnoonelikes: oh fuck you veronica you could’ve just said no

Yourebeautiful: so are you actually gonna come?

annoyingbitchthatnoonelikes: mhmm

_**annoyingbitchthatnoonelikes changed their name to h-duke** _

kindergartengirlfriend: yeah of course!

kindergartengirlfriend: also what is this?

Yourebeautiful: it’s a group chat with my cousins friends and she wanted to add you guys when I told her you’d be coming

Artfreak: high I’m Janis

H-duke: ...is she always like this?

Yourebeautiful: unfortunately, yes

Artfreak: rudd

yellowscrunchie: hi Veronica! I can’t wait to come over!

Yourebeautiful: it’s gonna be so fun!

Yourebeautiful: okay everybody introduction time go

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I’m cady heron! [attachment: selfie.jpg]

Artfreak: Janis Sarkisian. aperrantelii u gays wille bee stjaing inn mai haisee [attachment: whyitsjanis.jpg]

Too-gay-to-function: Damian Hubbard, your resident gay and also janiss best friend [attachment: anddamiantoo.jpg]

Bighair: Gretchen wieners! [attachment: me.jpg]

Massivedeal: Regina Geothermal [attachment: apexpredator.jpg]

Massivedeal: SHIT I MEANT GEORGE STUPID AUTOCORRECT

Artfreak: thattes it time cawlinge u Reginald geothermal phron noe onne

Dumb-bitch-energy: my name is Karen :)))))))) [attachment: myhairisshiny.jpg]

Yellowscrunchie: pleased to meet you all! I’m heather McNamara! [attachment: cheercaptain.jpg]

H-duke: heather duke [attachment: mobyduke.jpg]

Kindergartengirlfriend: Martha dunstock! You all seem lovely! [attachment: intheflesh.jpg]

Yellowscrunchie: so what are we going to do in northshore?

Yourebeautiful: idk whatever you guys want

Yourebeautiful: they have a really nice mall, so if you guys want to do that…

Yellowscrunchie: yes!

Kindergartengirlfriend: that would be wonderful!

Yourebeautiful: so hows Sherwood?

Kindergartengirlfriend: meh. Everything is pretty much back to normal, I guess

Yourebeautiful: have people forgotten about Kurt, ram, and Heather yet?

Yellowscrunchie: of course not

Yellowscrunchie: I mean sure the worshipping has died down a little but every now and again I’ll hear people talking about heather in the halls

Yourebeautiful: all good things I suppose…

H-duke: yup. Her locker still has flowers but they’re all wilted. Lol

Artfreak: diss ys uiylede

Artfreak: tree peepoles maned Heather

Yourebeautiful: and one of them is dead

Artfreak: ANNDE ON OV THEMM YS DED

Artfreak: allesoe hoe manes they’re chilldrenn KURT annde RAM

Yourebeautiful: I don’t even know and I went to school with them my entire life

Yourebeautiful: they had weird dads

H-duke: bye I’m gonna go pack

_**Artfreak changer h-duke’s name to boringbasicbitch** _

Yourebeautiful: teehee thanks Janis

Artfreak: maii plessur eye liek maykeinn peepoles lifes mizrabble

Artfreak: I am god

Yourebeautiful: I’m not sure whether I should humor her or not

Yourebeautiful: I’m fucking exhausted she always does this

Yourebeautiful: OMG JANIS get off the table

Artfreak: n o

Artfreak: I AM GOD

Too-gay-to-function: of course you are

Artfreak: thank

Yourebeautiful: Janis that table is made of glass

Yourebeautiful: it is not meant to hold your weight

Artfreak: r u kalleing miii fat

Caddy-the-junglefreak: this is a rollercoaster

Yourebeautiful: Janis please

Artfreak: I A M G O D

Massivedeal: Janis just do as she says

Artfreak: B O W D O W N T O M E P E A S A N T S

Boringbasicbitch: seriously you changed my name again

Artfreak: I am god I have all the power

Too-gay-to-function: you realize she won’t stop until you all say she’s god right

Yourebeautiful: GUYS PLEASE DO IT I LIVE WITH HER THIS NEEDS TO STOP

Yourebeautiful: you’re god

Massivedeal: you’re god

Bighair: you’re god

Dumb-bitch-energy: you’re god! :)

Yellowscrunchie: you’re god…

Boringbasicbitch: you’re god :/

Kindergartengirlfriend: you’re god

Caddy-the-junglefreak: you’re god

Artfreak: thank

_**Boringbasicbitch changed their name to h-duke** _

H-duke: okay bye for real

H-duke muted the chat

Yellowscrunchie: sorry, she’s a bit… moody

Massivedeal: mhm I can tell

Kindergartengirlfriend: sorry guys I gotta go too, I need to pack :/

Kindergartengirlfriend: it was really nice meeting you guys and I can’t wait to see you all in person!

Yellowscrunchie: yeah I’m gonna leave as well, but it was nice chatting with y’all!

Bighair: you too!

Yourebeautiful: bye guys, I’ll see you soon!

Artfreak: baii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I forgotten about Aaron? Mayhaps.
> 
> If you wish to be (possibly) entertained by my thought process after watching the mean girls bootleg for the third time, read on: 
> 
> Janis’s little jump and smile after she said “where people died” (You know the one) just- MY HEART
> 
> And when Damian does his little kick layout fosse thing in cautionary tale Janis smiles like i love his, but imagine being this bitchs friend. Yeah. 
> 
> Imagine playing one of the animals in it roars omg
> 
> Janiss wave when Damian introduces her as his art freak is so funny and I don’t know why
> 
> When Damian is singing where do you belong I love how Janis is just chilling like the rest of the people in the cafeteria are actively engaging but she’s just like nah I ain’t dancing so she STANDS THERE during the entire song and occasionally WALKS to stand somewhere else she is a legend and I aspire to be her
> 
> Tits. That’s all. 
> 
> And Barrett singing apex predator makes me f e e l t h i n g s
> 
> Does Gretchen remind anyone else of a really frightened bird?
> 
> I g i v e y o u s e x y c o r n 👁👄👁👉🌽
> 
> Ok when Regina says “I just said so don’t be thirsty” this guy in the audience said “yeah” and that bothered me for some reason
> 
> Janis/Barrett laughing gives me life
> 
> “Imagine a party with dresses and cake. And singing and dancing and cake” y e s
> 
> Every single “woOAoOAahH” from Damian gives me LIFE
> 
> “Also someone should teach boys to not do that in the first place” PREACH SIS
> 
> Someone gets hurt reprise: possibly the saddest minute of my life. Also Janis has the most gorgeous jacket I want it now
> 
> World burn gave me hot flashes don’t ask why because I’m not even sure
> 
> Damian wearing that sweatshirt like that is a huge mood and I am HERE for it
> 
> When Janis sings “And if I eat alone from this moment on that’s just what I’ll do” I looked over at Damian to see his reaction AND YALL HE SHOOK HIS HEAD AHSGSGSVSHSH that made me so happy idk why now I have tears on my eyes lmao
> 
> When cady said “Shuck. I meant to say shoot but I almost said fu-“ that is me. 
> 
> The one interaction Karen and Janis had is the cutest thing ever and I don’t even know what they were doing (in I see stars)


	16. Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artfreak: I’m living a miserable existence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I would update like three times a day? Yeah, me neither.
> 
> For @itstotesgodswill because she wanted some Regina geothermal action, I hope this lives up to your expectations!
> 
> Blue Janis makes a comeback while I wait patiently for the next chapter of broadway high by @angstyauthor (Also because I really wanted to write whomst and had to put it in somehow so here we go) so go check it out
> 
> Sorry it took so long to update, I’ve been quite busy recently but I have about three chapter lined up!
> 
> And I was talking to one of my friends recently and I didn’t realize how similar my characterization of Janis is to her (so if you’re reading this which is unlikely imma just call you frog dad you know who you are)
> 
> Oh yes and happy Canada day to all my Canadian peeps!

Artfreak: I’m living a miserable existence

_**Artfreak changed massivedeal’s name to reginaldgeothetmal** _

reginaldgeothetmal: seriously Janis

Artfreak: hey, dwell on the things you CAN control in life, amirite?

**_reginaldgeothetmal changed their name to massivedeal_ **

**_Artfreak changed massivedeal’s name to Reginaldgeothermal_ **

**_reginaldgeothetmal changed their name to massivedeal_ **

**_Artfreak changed massivedeal’s name to Reginaldgeothermal_ **

**_reginaldgeothetmal changed their name to massivedeal_ **

**_Artfreak changed massivedeal’s name to Reginaldgeothermal_ **

Artfreak: I can do this all night

reginaldgeothetmal: go fuck yourself

Artfreak: I would if I could

Artfreak: but alas, I cannot

Yourebeautiful: for anyone wondering, Janis smoked a shit ton of weed

Yourebeautiful: she is very stoned right now

Artfreak: hhhngggg I want chocolate

Bighair: honestly I see no difference between this Janis and regular Janis

Reginaldgeothermal: this Janis spells properly wow

Too-gay-to-function: the only times Janis can spell properly is when she’s high out of her mind or having a mental breakdown

Yourebeautiful: Whoops I’m feeling the second hand highhhhh

Yourebeautiful: she’s been smoking allll day my brain is clouded

Artfreak: it’s only been like two hours okay chill

Artfreak: I want choccy milk

Artfreak: Nutella

Yourebeautiful: let’s go to the grocery store

Yourebeautiful: let’s get chocolate

Artfreak: thank

Artfreak: I w a n t t h e c h o c o l a t e

Artfreak: brb gays!

Artfreak: update: Veronica and I have somehow made it to the grocery store woop

Yourebeautiful: we walked

Yourebeautiful: I think

Artfreak: let’s get the chocolate!

Yourebeautiful: woo!

Reginaldgeothermal: …are you sure you guys are okay?

Artfreak: no

Straightjock™️: big mood

Artfreak: well look who finally decided to join in on our conversations

Straightjock™️: it’s not my fault I go to bed at a normal time unlike ANYONE ELSE HERE okay

Artfreak: whoa okay calm your tits Aaron

Bighair: ANYWAYS

Bighair: update on the chocolate?

Artfreak: I hast the Nutella

Artfreak: veronicaaaaaa

Yourebeautiful: what

Artfreak: can we go to McDonald’s

Yourebeautiful: why

Artfreak: I want a burger and fries

Artfreak: guys you should come over!

Artfreak: get high with meeeeeeeee

Too-gay-to-function: Veronica

Too-gay-to-function: Veronica

Too-gay-to-function: verONICA

Too-gay-to-function: BLUE JANIS

Artfreak: whomstve

Yourebeautiful: whomst has summoned the almighty one

Yourebeautiful: yes I’m here

Too-gay-to-function: make sure Janis doesn’t somehow die

Yourebeautiful: on it

Yourebeautiful: whoops while I was reading this text she ran into oncoming trafficcccc

Too-gay-to-function: you know what why do I even bother

Yourebeautiful: she made it to the other side safely

Yourebeautiful: you need to Be More Chill

Too-gay-to-function: yeah no

Too-gay-to-function: thanks a lot for the heart attack

Yourebeautiful: so we're gonna pick up some McDonald’s and then we’re gonna go home if anyone wants to join us

Dumb-bitch-energy: I’ll pass, but thanks anyways! (:

Artfreak: Gretch?

Bighair: same

Straightjock™️: I’m tempted but no

Artfreak: boring bitch

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I don’t do… that.

Too-gay-to-function: you know what it’s not like I have anything better to do I’m on my way

Too-gay-to-function: also someone needs to make sure you two don’t get hurt and apparently that someone is me

Reginaldgeothermal: I’d rather not

Artfreak: okay then

Too-gay-to-function: I’ll bring brownies!

Artfreak: yes please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best work sorry
> 
> Damian being completely done with Janis is a big mood and I am here for it
> 
> Oh look it’s Aaron! Did I almost forget to put him in the chapter? Yes. Are the characters addressing his absence? Absolutely. 
> 
> Teehee musical reference woo I’m tired
> 
> I’ve reached peak lunacy: singing that one part of the squip song (“it’s better than drugs, Jeremy. ITS FROM JAPAAAAAAANNNNNN”) over and over again to my sleeping cat, resulting in me waking her up...


	17. Trespassing, vandalism and stealing: the holy trinity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dumb-bitch-energy: what is she doing?
> 
> Yourebeautiful: I seriously have no clue
> 
> Yourebeautiful: I’m just here to make sure she doesn’t die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized I forgot to put the time and date in the last chapter whoops
> 
> Also if you have any particular ideas/requests for this story, feel free to tell me in the comments or message me on tumblr @wise-girl-everdeen!

**4:28 pm**

Artfreak: heii gays loocke we’re I amm attachment: abandoned.building.jpg] [attachment: governmentproperty.jpg]

Bighair: …is that the abandoned grain elevator/factory thing

Artfreak: yez

Bighair: but you’re like… inside the property

Artfreak: yez

Bighair: isn’t that tresspassing

Artfreak: aphermattive

Too-gay-to-function: veRONICA why is she alone

Yourebeautiful : oh no she’s not I’m not that stupid

Yourebeautiful: I’m watching her from a safe distance

Yourebeautiful: [attachment: whatisshedoing.jpg]

Dumb-bitch-energy: what is she doing?

Yourebeautiful: I seriously have no clue

Yourebeautiful: I’m just here to make sure she doesn’t die

Reginaldgeothermal: you guys realize that what you’re doing is illegal

Yourebeautiful: oh I’m very much aware

Yourebeautiful: she was gonna do it anyways might as well try to keep her safe

Reginaldgeothermal: mmm true

Artfreak: I gotte a spuvenirreeeee

Artfreak: [attachment: chainsandnails.jpg]

Bighair: I-is that one of those nails that they use to hold down the train tracks??

Artfreak: relaxxxxxxxx thei dint use this reilwei anim ore

Artfreak: i think

Artfreak: it was ditacchhede and evrithinng gays donut wori I dident rimovvee itt

Reginaldgeothermal: the only reason why I believe you is because it’s physically impossible to remove it

Artfreak: bitch

Artfreak: I cam iff I wannte too

Caddy-the-junglefreak: Janis

Caddy-the-junglefeeak: no

Yourebeautiful: guys please don’t challenge her she’s gonna want to do it

Artfreak: I’m doinge it

Artfreak: Marc mai wordes u r all go get a mail

Yourebeautiful: she’s doing it omg

Yourebeautiful: [attachment: shestrong.jpg]

Yourebeautiful: [attachment: shetriessohard.mov]

Yourebeautiful: [attachment: redintheface.mov]

Bighair: wow she really is trying hard huh

Yourebeautiful: yup

Artfreak: nvver minede seckiriti shoude upp Veronica RUN

Yourebeautiful: istg JANIS

Yourebeautiful: one of these days you’re gonna end up in jail and I’m not busting you out.

Artfreak: how rude

Artfreak: boldde of u to ass um ur not gna go too jale withe mii

Yourebeautiful: besides we were no longer on the property

Artfreak: yeah but I stole stuff

Artfreak: and thrue roks at the windowess

Artfreak: theii mite cach mii

Artfreak: and niwais arrenete u wante edd for murrederr or something?

Yourebeautiful: JANIS NO

Yourebeautiful: IM NOT WANTED FOR MURDER

Yourebeautiful: as far as anyone knows, they killed themselves

Yourebeautiful: it was mostly jd anyways so

Yourebeautiful: shhhhhhhhhh

Yourebeautiful: anyways

Yourebeautiful: quick update- were safe so that’s great

Yourebeautiful: on our way back home now

Bighair: oh thank god you guys were gonna give me a heart attack

Yourebeautiful: sorry :/

Artfreak: I’m so powde of mislef in suck a r e b e l

Too-gay-to-function: Janis no

Too-gay-to-function: you’re bold I’ll give you that

Artfreak: I hav a chain!!

Artfreak: so eggy

Too-gay-to-function: mmhmm

Artfreak: I’m featlles

Yourebeautiful: clearly

Yourebeautiful: oof we’re finally home

Yourebeautiful: Janis I swear you’re taking ten years off my lifespan

Artfreak: o we’ll ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Artfreak: u luv mii anneiwaise tho

Yourebeautiful: I know

Yourebeautiful: that’s why I go with you

Yourebeautiful: but istg Janis you need to chill with the illegal shit

Artfreak: nopp necst tym wii goe I’m BREAKING IN >:)

Yourebeautiful: no

Yourebeautiful: no we are not

Yourebeautiful: you know what I give up I’m going to sleep

Bighair: ...it’s 6:15 pm

Yourebeautiful: yes I’m aware of that

Yourebeautiful: Janis exhausts me

Artfreak: heii!

Artfreak: I meen I egsostt mysel so I get it

Yourebeautiful: goodnight

To-gay-to-function: sweet dreams, Veronica

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WhY do I keep mentioning Veronicas murders that’s not how real life works tf
> 
> This is based on a very real outing with my father. Nothing says bonding like trespassing onto what might be government property, right? Oh yes, and then stealing something that belongs to a railway company or whatever. I’m such a ✨r e b e l✨ 
> 
> But no security guards found us
> 
> And I didn’t throw anything at the windows
> 
> It was all for photography. The ✨a e s t h e t i c✨
> 
> I legit want to go back with my friend (I’m gonna keep calling you frog dad if you’re reading this) and I want to enter the actual building so bad


	18. Sorry... again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reginaldgeothermal: hey jnais
> 
> Reginaldgeothermal: I’m really high on pain meds right now so I probably won’t remember any of this by tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes hello I’m very much alive
> 
> I’ve been working on other stuff and also can’t just commit to writing one chapter and FINISHING IT before starting another one
> 
> So if y’all like the Hunger Games stay tuned 👀👀
> 
> I’ll try to update more frequently but I’m a lazy procrastinator coupled with the fact that my parents started forcing me outside means less frequent updates I swear I’m trying
> 
> So idk if this qualifies as angst but anyways enjoy

**11:56 pm:**

Reginaldgeothermal: hey jnais

Reginaldgeothermal: I’m really high on pain meds right now so I probably won’t remember any of this by tomorrow

Reginaldgeothermal: but I’m really sorry about middle school

Reginaldgeothermal: I still don’t know why I did it

Reginaldgeothermal: I think I had a crush on you or something and my way of trying to get of of it was by ruining your life

Reginaldgeothermal: obviously that didn’t work

Reginaldgeothermal: I know it’s no excuse and it was the wrong thing to do but I think I owe you an explanation

Reginaldgeothermal: I just want to make it clear I don’t have a crush on you anymore but I do want to be your friend again

Reginaldgeothermal: I’ll be apologizing for the rest of my life but I really hope to make things right

Artfreak: I…

Artfreak: wow regina.

Artfreak: thanks for your honesty, I guess

Artfreak: I just wish you’d be able to tell me this to my face when you’re NOT hopped up on pain meds

Artfreak: and you’re right, you having a crush on me does not make up for anything you did but I’m glad you acknowledged it

Artfreak: I appreciate the effort and I do want to eventually form a better friendship with you but I need a little space right now

Artfreak: I mean everyone addressed me as “space dyke” after the incident up until recently so that just doesn’t go away

Artfreak: and you completely broke my trust

Artfreak: you betrayed me, Regina

Artfreak: granted its was four years ago but it still hurts

Reginaldgeothermal: I understand

Too-gay-to-function: Janis are you okay

Artfreak: I’m not sure

Artfreak: I think I will be eventually

Too-gay-to-function: do you need me to come over?

Artfreak: yes please

Artfreak: hurry

Artfreak: I’m not okay but I don’t know why

Too-gay-to-function: it’s late and you’re probably reliving a lot of bad memories

Too-gay-to-function: I’ll be there in five minutes hang tight

Too-gay-to-function: just try to take deep breaths, okay?

Too-gay-to-function: Veronica if you’re awake go check on her please

Yourebeautiful: are you kidding I never sleep

Yourebeautiful: and I’m already there don’t worry

Bighair: Regina you’re clearly not okay either, Karen and I are coming over, alright?

Reginaldgeothermal: thanks

Reginaldgeothermal: I juss fell so bad

Bighair: Regina, you cant control your past actions anymore, okay? What’s important is that you acknowledge your mistakes and learn to grow from them.

Bighair: Janis knows you’re sorry and she needs a little bit of time to think things over, you just dumped a lot of information on her.

Reginaldgeothermal: I know...

Too-gay-to-function: Jan I’m here open up the door

Artfreak: Veronica is coming down

Too-gay-to-function: k 

Bighair: Regina we’re here too

Reginaldgeothermal: k omw down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it turns out my ideas seem to come to me while washing paint out of my hair lol
> 
> Did rejanis (or whatever their ship name is) almost happen? I think??
> 
> But I wanted to stick to my no romance thing so here we are
> 
> Honestly I wish I was a Janis like just not giving a singular fuck you know but instead I’m more of a Gretchen cause I’m terrified of confrontation and whatever people think of me it’s almost comical
> 
> Also @angstyauthor was right there are so many BMC bootlegs but all of them SUCK I think I found one with Will Roland in it and this girl wouldn’t stop talking lmao I was annoyed just let me watch my illegal recording in peace 
> 
> and WHAT HAPPENED TO SYNC UP WTF I LIKE THAT SONG
> 
> Lol everyone’s like “yesssss!” During the smartphone hour but the quality is really bad so everything is overexposed and I see nothing this is the life
> 
> Yes the scream in the smartphone hour was from Brooke I still don’t get why she did it tho
> 
> “Do you love him?” “Whaaaat?” You know what I ship it
> 
> When rich said “oh my god I’m totally bi” this girl said “me too” and I felt that


	19. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yourebeautiful: okay I can be of no help I grew up in Sherwood Ohio I don’t know Chicago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by @ineedyourheadphones on tumblr! Sorry it took so long to get this out, but I hope it was what you wanted!
> 
> Just a warning the end notes are longer than the actual chapter lmao I got a bit carried away talking about illegal heathers (and I mean they’re REALLY FRICKIN LONG) 
> 
> Sorry in advance
> 
> Anyways
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> OH ALSO if you like the hunger games, check out my new work, “Making History”! (And stay tuned, I should have a big project coming up;))

Dumb-bitch-energy: confused emoji, map emoji, skyscraper emoji, car emoji?

Artfreak: wath

Bighair: Karen took a drive into the city and she got lost

Yourebeautiful: how does one do that

Artfreak: tits karrenn u nvre noe

Reginaldgeothermal: shhhh Janis be nice

Artfreak: heii eye luv karrenn but tits true

Dumb-bitch-energy: thumbs up emoji!

Bighair: oh kare bear

Bighair: she agrees

Yourebeautiful: nooooo Karen you’re smart! Just not in the same way that everyone else is

Yourebeautiful: okay that came out wrong and sounded shallow but what I mean is you’re very observant when it comes to people and you always know excpactly what everyone is thinking.

Caddy-the-junglefreak: ohhh I think I get what you’re trying to say!

Caddy-the-junglefreak: remember when ou explained to me what the rule of twos was? If I’m being honest, its one of the smartest things anyone has ever said to me

Dumb-bitch-energy: blushing emoji, heart emoji, heart emoji, hug emoji!!

Bighair: it warms her heart that you guys feel this way about her!

Reginaldgeothermal: I hate to be that bitch™️ but shouldn’t we focus on getting Karen back to Northshore?

Artfreak: iuu r taht bitch™️

Artfreak: butt tru

Yourebeautiful: anyways Karen what street are you on? Can you send us a picture

Dumb-bitch-energy: [attachment: street corner.jpg]

Yourebeautiful: okay I can be of no help I grew up in Sherwood Ohio I don’t know Chicago

Bighair: okay so you’re gonna turn right and then left and then straight and then left again and then straight and then straight and then straight and then right and then left and then you’ll end up on the highway so you’re gonna take the third exit and turn right twice and then left and you should be back in Northshore

Dumb-bitch-energy: ??

Reginaldgeothermal: Gretchen we love you but nobody understands

Bighair: never mind Karen I’m just gonna come get you

Bighair: anyone up for a trip to the city?

Artfreak: iez

Too-gay-to-function: me too

Reginaldgeothermal: sure it’ll be fun

Yourebeautiful: not really in the mood

Artfreak: shiis cummeingg

Yourebeautiful: bitch

Yourebeautiful: whatever

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I’m coming too!

Artfreak: letts go two Denny’s

Caddy-the-junglefreak: yeah!

Bighair: okay everyone be ready I’m coming to pick you guys up

Artfreak: WOOHOO DENNYS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is Denny’s like I’ve never been
> 
> Somehow this became a karen appreciation post but I’m not complaining
> 
> Okay so I watched the illegal heathers bootleg and let me tell you omg it was an absolute shit show. If you’re interested, here are my thoughts (there are a lot so buckle up):
> 
> It’s only an hour and three minutes long. Why
> 
> Two songs in and only seven minutes have passed. They played about three lines from beautiful. 
> 
> Heather duke did not look like she wanted to be there during candy store
> 
> They skipped fight for me and freeze your brain and went straight to like halfway through big fun
> 
> The girl who plays Veronica wasn’t dancing the first bit and I don’t think it was intentional
> 
> THE PIG PIÑATA OMG ITS A RED BLOB WITHA FACE IM DYING
> 
> I’m convinced the only one who actually wanted to be there was the one who played chandler
> 
> THEY SKIP FREEZE YOUR BRAIN AND THEY KEEP DEAD GIRL WALKING WHY
> 
> She looks like she’s scolding him and she doesn’t even sing half the lyrics lmao this is too good
> 
> And also? Is there an audience???? Because something “funny” happens??? And no one… laughs?? 
> 
> Oh wait “I was having my period” made people laugh
> 
> They keep “I decided I must ride you till I break you” but remove ”I learned to kiss boys with my tongue”
> 
> I WISH I WERE JOKING BUT HEATHER C LIFEARLLY-IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ME INSIDE OF ME-JUST MADE THIS FACE AND APOLOGIZED TO THE AUDIENCE FOR HOW BAD THEY SOUND (oh wait that was scripted I think it just makes it worse)
> 
> Miss Fleming the teenager is VERY passionate maybe she should’ve beeen Veronica 
> 
> The girl who said “heather touching me” made it very sexual and I’m not sure if it was intentional or not but now they’re all crying and I’m weirded out 
> 
> They skipped every single song between “the me inside of me” and “seventeen” do Kurt and ram not exist?
> 
> “She’s been a real pain since heather died” we’ve seen her once since heather died and that was in a group number literally when was she a pain
> 
> You know what they don’t sound too bad harmonizing seventeen but I think that’s cause JD is pretty good
> 
> Oh so apparently the whole “hey yo Westerburg” part of dead girl walking reprise makes an appearance ok
> 
> Well. We went from seventeen to kindergarten boyfriend. Okay then. 
> 
> OH SO THEY MIXED UP THE TIMELINE NOW THEY PUT SHINE A LIGHT AND THEY'RE USING GLOWSTICKS INSTEAD OF FLASHLIGHTS AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN SINGING HALF OF THE LYRICS
> 
> It’s a mix between screaming into the mic or whispering into it but I love this 
> 
> Oh so they DO talk about Kurt and ram but they didn’t die they’re just gay lovers
> 
> Everyone’s so off key what and they sing everything 10x faster. Half the time it’s like “shsggsgshg sedative”
> 
> Are they gonna get to the whole blowing up the school thing or 
> 
> Yo girl with only heather and maybe five lines is amazing 
> 
> Why do they replace shit with crap instead of stuff it would make so much more sense 
> 
> SHSGSGSG HER HANGING IN HER CLOSET IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER SHES LITERALLY STANDING ON THE FROUND LIOKING DOWNHILDINF UP THE NOOSE WOTH HER ARM LMAOOO
> 
> *cue dead girl walking reprise*—Go girl give us nothing
> 
> *flatly, without moving*: hey yo westerburg tell me what’s that soundhere comes westerburg coming to put you in the ground go go westerburg give a great big yell westerburg will knock you out and send you straight to hell
> 
> The ensemble missed their cue lol
> 
> I think…. jd got shot, but there was no gunshot sound????
> 
> *skips half of I am damaged*
> 
> Exploding=flashing lights+jumping off of a stage
> 
> *skips half of seventeen reprise*
> 
> There’s no oooohh or background vocals w h y
> 
> AND THEYRE ALL SINGING AT DIFFERENT TIMES OMG
> 
> Oh thank god it’s done omg that was painful
> 
> Update: I found out the director quit but they went along with it anyways also the vocal coach and heather C are the same person and let me tell you she was the only good one
> 
> In conclusion, no. 
> 
> The script made no sense, it was cut in half, no one knew their lines, and no one knew how to sing. Might’ve been a wasted hour that I can never get back but I think it was worth it??
> 
> They did my girl Barrett dirty but whatever 
> 
> Btw all of this came out of me trying to find a better quality heathers bootleg
> 
> Anyways 100% 10/10 would recommend watching it you should see it for yourself I promise it’s very worth it
> 
> Also if you want the best parts just look up “illegal heathers but it’s the best parts”
> 
> LAST THING I PROMISE but I just want to be clear I know they were in high school at the time and I really don’t mean to hate on them but like… the casting process was just picking students and being like “okay you’re playing that person” so idk anymore but if you read this whole thing I’m so sorry


	20. Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artfreak: stfu I have a mentor anus
> 
> Artfreak: mental anus
> 
> Reginaldgeothermal: take your time sweetie
> 
> Artfreak: mental illness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My pisspoor attempt at humour. That’s what this fic is
> 
> I was planning on posting this like two days ago I’m sorry 
> 
> This was inspired by “imagine a party with dresses and cake. And singing and dancing and cake.”as well as an interview where Barrett and a guy (dOnT come at me I forgot who he was)-it was for Genius btw- talk about how smart Janis is but that kind of conflicts with me making her a chaotic dumbass so I’ve decided that she CHOOSES to ignore the fact that she is very smart (in certain subjects obviously). So this was born
> 
> Anyways enjoy

Too-gay-to-function: I know Janis is a chaotic dumbass but did you guys know she’s actually really smart

Too-gay-to-function: she just doesn’t like showing that side of her

Artfreak: I love cake

Caddy-the-junglefreak: clearly

Too-gay-to-function: hey Janis what does sycophant mean

Artfreak: a person wil will act obsequiously, or obedient toward someone famous or important in order to gain some sort of advantage

Artfreak: so basically a “yes man” or an insincere flatterer

Artfreak: and pretty much as soon as you mess up they’ll turn on you

Too-gay-to-function: also she’s a huge history nerd

Artfreak: knooo

Too-gay-to-function: oh sweetie yes you are

Too-gay-to-function: especially art history

Too-gay-to-function: but I will admit she’s not the strongest in math or science

Artfreak: rudd

Artfreak: butt troo

Too-gay-to-function: simply watch

Too-gay-to-function: Janis what’s 8x6

Bighair: …

Reginaldgeothermal: it’s been five minutes is she okay

Artfreak: 35

Reginaldgeothermal: I- was that on purpose?

Too-gay-to-function: you never know

Too-gay-to-function: possibly

Too-gay-to-function: but she still proves my point I suppose

Too-gay-to-function: oh yeah and she’s really good at French

Artfreak: ferme ta gueule espèce de connard

Artfreak: je m’en calisse de ce que tu penses

Too-gay-to-function: well

Too-gay-to-function: I’m going to pretend that was a compliment

Caddy-the-junglefreak: but she just said “shut up you asshole”

Caddy-the-junglefreak: and then “I don’t care what you think” but more vulgar

Artfreak: t’es un gros trou de cul je m’en bats les couilles que t’es mon meilleur ami et que je t’aime. Ferme la.

Yourebeautiful: whoa Janis you’re clearly feeling salty

Yourebeautiful: using punctuation and everything

Artfreak: stfu I have a mentor anus

Artfreak: mental anus

Reginaldgeothermal: take your time sweetie

Artfreak: mental illness

Too-gay-to-function: Jesus Janis it was just a compliment

Yourebeautiful: [attachment: whatswrongwithher.mov]

Yourebeautiful: I’m very concerned she’s laughing her ass off

Yourebeautiful: janis-“So I wanted to see her Uh- her anger level. I wanted to see if I was powerful enough to twist her mind.”

Yourebeautiful: she on something else I swear

Yourebeautiful: she’s rolling on the floor and screaming at her phone I don’t know what to do

Yourebeautiful: I get the feeling she’s enjoying herself way too much from this interaction wtf

Artfreak: shsgsggsgsgsgaf

Yourebeautiful: [attachment: rolling.mov] here’s another one

Too-gay-to-function: oh my you weren’t joking

Bighair: Janis you’re worrying me

Artfreak: I nid too kalm doune

Yourebeautiful: yes

Yourebeautiful: yes you do

Caddy-the-junglefreak: I-

Straightjock™️: okay WHAT the fuck is going on here

Artfreak: oh luk hoo disidedd two jowine

Straightjock™️: oh look who still can’t spell

Artfreak: thattes h o m o p h o b i c

Straightjock™️: bitch no it’s not

Artfreak: yff u no wath god for you shut the fuck up

Yourebeautiful: aww is Janis getting angy

Artfreak: bitch

Artfreak: eye wille phinde iuu an eye wille Kill u

Artfreak: were r u

Yourebeautiful: oh shit she wasn’t kidding

Yourebeautiful: I’m legitimately scared

Yourebeautiful: JANIS PUT THE KNIFE DOWN

**(A/n: picture Janis holding a knife up and grinning evilly, prowling around the house. You know, like in those horror movies I’m too scared to watch. Veronica is hiding in a closet. It was 3 am when I Worley this and that sight is legitimately terrifying I am not okay)**

Artfreak: no

Too-gay-to-function: JANIS

Too-gay-to-function: STOP THREATENING YOUR COUSIN

Artfreak: never

Yourebeautiful: ok that’s it I’m fighting fire with fire

Artfreak: HOLY SHIT DAMIAN PROTECC ME

Artfreak: wi is mai cuszin ço teryfiingg

Yourebeautiful: you forget yourself

Yourebeautiful: I’ve killed three people lol

Yourebeautiful: indirectly of course but those are just technicalities

Artfreak: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST JUST DROP THE MACHETE

Yourebeautiful: are you gonna keep acting like this?

Artfreak: ...no

Yourebeautiful: fucking good.

Yourebeautiful: okay Janis is exhausting I’m going to bed.

Artfreak: nite (:

Yourebeautiful: shut up.

Yourebeautiful: you make me want to go back to Sherwood

Artfreak: >:0 fuck you

**_Yourebeautiful has muted their notifications_ **

Artfreak: I hate you too (:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact my dad bought a machete when we went to Nicaragua like three years ago and now it’s just chilling in his car
> 
> I TOLD MYSELF I WOULDNT TALK ABOUT HER MURDERS ANYMORE IM SORRY UGH
> 
> Yes I know there is absolutely no rhythm or flow to any of this but whO CARES
> 
> Translation:  
> ferme ta gueule espèce de connard=shut up you asshole  
> Je m’en calisse de ce que tu penses=I don’t fucking care what you think  
> t’es un gros trou de cul je m’en bats les couilles que t’es mon meilleur ami et que je t’aime. Ferme la.=you’re a huge asshole and I don’t care that you’re my best friend and that I love you. Shut up.
> 
> This was an excuse to swear in French because it’s not something I do, like ever, and also because I was trying to think of what other classes she’d be good at so I just went down the list of what I do lmao
> 
> Some of These words are kind of a big deal and no one actually says them so if any francophones see this, sorry 🤭
> 
> Also I would say this is good practise but that’s a blatant lie good practise is going on vacation to a town in the middle of nowhere where people only speak French and don’t understand a STITCH of english 😌
> 
> They’re probably not spelled properly cause I’ve never written them out so sorry
> 
> And idk if France uses these words and idk what kind of French y’all take but whatever
> 
> AND ALSO THERES A BMC LONDON BOOTLEG ON YOUTUBE!!


	21. Mcchicken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too-gay-to-function: now what do we say
> 
> Yourebeautiful: thank you
> 
> Artfreak: …
> 
> Too-gay-to-function: and?
> 
> Yourebeautiful: sorry
> 
> Artfreak: … 
> 
> Yourebeautiful: JANIS
> 
> Artfreak: thank 
> 
> Artfreak: sori

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry
> 
> I told myself I would update this thing every day but like... my parents keep forcing me out of the house 
> 
> Anyways
> 
> Uh 
> 
> Just curious
> 
> Do y’all find my long ass a/n’s annoying? 
> 
> Cause I can stop
> 
> If you want
> 
> But right after this chapter 
> 
> Anyways
> 
> Enjoy!

**Sunday, 12:53 pm**

  
Artfreak: uhhhhh damiannnnnnnnnn

Too-gay-to-function: what

Artfreak: I

Artfreak: I have something that I need to print out

Artfreak: for tomorrow

Artfreak: but I don’t have a printer

Too-gay-to-function: okay and

Artfreak: WHAT DO I DI

Too-gay-to-function: idk figure it out

Too-gay-to-function: oh I know

Too-gay-to-function: the ups store on Brighcastle and Prettygood is open they have a printer

Artfreak: damisnnnnn

Too-gay-to-function: no.

Artfreak: veronicaaaaa

Yourebeautiful: fine.

Artfreak: ily :)

Yourebeautiful: >:(

Yourebeautiful: let’s go.

Artfreak: ok so were onn brightcastoe rn and I CANT SEE THEFUCKINHJ DORRE

Too-gay-to-function: use your eyes sweetie

Yourebeautiful: no she’s right there’s no door

Too-gay-to-function: I love you but you’re both dumbasses USE YOUR EYES

Yourebeautiful: THERES NO FUCKING DOOR GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL

Too-gay-to-function: did you guys…. check Prettygood street?

Yourebeautiful: there’s the ups store and then there’s a FUCKING RESTAURANT I DONT KNOW WHAT MORE YOU WANT FROM US

Too-gay-to-function: just keep walking

Artfreak: oh

Artfreak: there’s the sinne

Too-gay-to-function: now what do we say

Yourebeautiful: thank you

Artfreak: …

Too-gay-to-function: and?

Yourebeautiful: sorry

Artfreak: …

Yourebeautiful: JANIS

Artfreak: thank

Artfreak: sori

Too-gay-to-function: it’s alright

Yourebeautiful: ok so janis what do you need to print again

Artfreak: that stupid map of Africa for geo

Artfreak: and the legend chart thingy that came with it

Artfreak: oop

Yourebeautiful: what now

Artfreak: idk where the USB key is

Yourebeautiful: did you check all your pockets

Artfreak: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IM TRYING TO DO

Yourebeautiful: okay calm down

Yourebeautiful: you know I didn’t HAVE to come with you right

Artfreak: oh wait nvm I found it

Artfreak: sorry I’m stressed

Yourebeautiful: it’s fine

Artfreak: anyways

Yourebeautiful: I think we just wait for the lady at the counter?

Yourebeautiful: update: its been like 10 minutes and she’s still on the phone

Yourebeautiful: she the only one here and hast even looked in our direction

Reginaldgeothermal: this is already far more interesting than any tv show

Bighair: keep us updated please

Yourebeautiful: Janis sat down at a computer and I signed us in

Yourebeautiful: it says the first 15 minutes of usage are free after that we have to pay like 10 cents per minute

Yourebeautiful: now we just need to figure out how to work a computer

Yourebeautiful: okay another update: we got it to print we just don’t know which printer it’s at

Yourebeautiful: oh wait I found it

Yourebeautiful: we have to wait for this guy to print a WHOLE ASS BOOK

Yourebeautiful: that’s it we need to change printer

Yourebeautiful: oh shit the papers too big in that one

Artfreak: but the size of the map is good

Yourebeautiful: we’re going with that then

Yourebeautiful: let’s hurry up and pay I want to get out of here

Artfreak: oki we goin too MCDONALDS

Yourebeautiful: you know what sure I want some chicken nuggets

Artfreak: me too

Artfreak: can you orredr

Artfreak: I’m incompetent

Yourebeautiful: sure

Yourebeautiful: do you want one of their smoothies too

Artfreak: yez

Yourebeautiful: okay just got the stuff it TOOK FOREVER MIGHT I ADD

Yourebeautiful: let’s see

Yourebeautiful: well fuck

Yourebeautiful: I ordered a mcchicken instead of McNuggets

Yourebeautiful: FUCK

Yourebeautiful: let this be a lesson-never trust a girl with anxiety to order food

Artfreak: bruh I have anckietea too

Yourebeautiful: sorry

Artfreak: is oki the mcchicken is pretty good too :)

Artfreak: but I don’t know why we thought ordering large smoothies was a good idea

Yourebeautiful: mm true your parents are expecting us for dinner and they have no idea we’re here lol

Yourebeautiful: well looks like we’ve got to hurry up and finish it before we get home

Artfreak: I don’t think I can do it

Yourebeautiful: whatever it’s fine if you don’t finish it

Caddy-the-junglefreak: this has been a wild ride from start to finish

Yourebeautiful: but wait

Yourebeautiful: it’s not over

Yourebeautiful: my anxiety is skyrocketing rn keep it together keep it together you’re in public Veronica :)

Artfreak: my parents just texted and asked us why it’s taking too long

Artfreak: I said there was an extra long line at the printer place and we’re on our way rn

Yourebeautiful: wHY

Yourebeautiful: WHY DID YOU SAY THAT

Yourebeautiful: SHIT NOW WE HAVE TO GO

Yourebeautiful: WE HAVE TO RUSH

Yourebeautiful: FUCK

Yourebeautiful: come on Janis let’s go

Artfreak: holy fuck calm your tits

Artfreak: well be fine

Yourebeautiful: let’s just go

Dumb-bitch-energy: keep us updated!

Yourebeautiful: will do

Yourebeautiful: okay we’re home now and they are none the wiser

Yourebeautiful: successful outing if I do say so myself

Artfreak: mmhmm

Artfreak: oki eyemme tierdde gn

Yourebeautiful: same later peeps

Bighair: but it’s like 5 pm…

Yourebeautiful: your point

Reginaldgeothermal: you know what I give up sleep tight girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all based on a very real outing. I am Veronica, Janis is my step sister (step sister? Not really but for lack of a better term we’ll just call her that) and her mother is Damian. It was obviously less vulgar and not really done over text but it was a funny day and I wanted to share it. Oh also it was a bitter cold January day so tHaT wAs FuN
> 
> And I actually ordered a mcchicken instead of McNuggets because I apparently don’t know the difference between “mcpoulet” and “mccroquettes” so
> 
> And the street names. Are just. Translations of the actual street names where the ups store is. So yeah. Have a lovely day everyone!


	22. Rail ties for all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yourebeautiful: Janis no-
> 
> Artfreak: Janis yes
> 
> Artfreak: ooh let me see how well I can balance
> 
> Yourebeautiful: she started running.
> 
> Yourebeautiful: there are rocks all over the place
> 
> Reginaldgeothermal: what the fuck Janis 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adjust this based on the abandoned building I’m going to next
> 
> Why is the longest thing I’ve ever written a crack fic?
> 
> I’m SORRY I forgot about it for a little while… my bad. Anyways
> 
> Without further ado, let’s jump right into it, shall we? Buckle up everyone, this one is… quite angsty
> 
> TW: Reference/implied suicidal thoughts

Yourebeautiful: why do I keep agreeing to this 

Caddy-the-junglefreak: what?

Yourebeautiful: Janis no

Yourebeautiful: get off the tracks

Caddy-the-junglefreak: Ah yes. 

Yourebeautiful: trains pass here dumbass

Yourebeautiful: if one hits you, you’re dead

Artfreak: I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea

Yourebeautiful: n o

Artfreak: omg if I die here I can haunt this place

Yourebeautiful: that’s enough we’re leaving we’re gonna get caught there are too many people around

Artfreak: whyyyyyyyyyyy

Yourebeautiful: don’t worry we’ll go somewhere else

Artfreak: oh look more railyards!!

Artfreak: let’s go check it out pleaaaaasssseeee

Yourebeautiful: fine.

Yourebeautiful: but the fence has like three layers there’s no way we’ll find a hole 

Artfreak: I just did

Yourebeautiful: you know what I give up

Yourebeautiful: I’m staying out here. Go do whatever the fuck you want but I will not partake in your adventures

Artfreak: whatever

Artfreak: hey look

Artfreak: [attachment: therearesomany.jpg]

Artfreak: r a i l t i e s f o r a l l

Yourebeautiful: Janis no-

Artfreak: Janis yes

Artfreak: ooh let me see how well I can balance

Yourebeautiful: she started running.

Yourebeautiful: there are rocks all over the place

Reginaldgeothermal: what the fuck Janis 

Yourebeautiful: aaaand she fell

Artfreak: o w

Artfreak: that shit hurted 

Yourebeautiful: guys Janis is really downplaying this she’s screaming bloody murder

Yourebeautiful: I think she broke her arm

Yourebeautiful: yep she definitely broke her arm I see the bone

Yourebeautiful: hahahah

Yourebeautiful: 

Yourebeautiful: OH MY GOD SHE BROKE HER ARM

Yourebeautiful: I SEE THE BONE

Yourebeautiful: SO MUCH BLOOD

Yourebeautiful: fuck I can’t do this

Yourebeautiful: can someone who can deal with blood PLEASE come find us

Yourebeautiful: fuckkkkk were so stupid 

Yourebeautiful: and I can’t call 911 because this is VERY ILLEGAL

Artfreak: I can barely see through the pain

Yourebeautiful: it’s true guys she’s screaming at the top of her lungs

Artfreak: but how cool will it be if someone sees my blood and gets freaked out lmao

Reginaldgeothermal: how is she typing what

Yourebeautiful: you know what I couldn’t tell you if I tried

Yourebeautiful: something is seriously wrong with her oh my

Yourebeautiful: [attachment: isshesmilingthroughthepainireallycanttell.mov]

Yourebeautiful: [attachment: nopeithinkitsjustdelirium.mov]

Too-gay-to-function: okay I’m on my way where are you guys? 

Yourebeautiful: The trans-American rail yard in saint Henry 

Too-gay-to-function: okay coming

Yourebeautiful: fuckkkkk I knew this was going to happen at some point

Sometime later don’t ask when but also Janis is loopy from sleep medication. idk either:

Too-gay-to-function: Janis you scared the living daylights out of me 

Too-gay-to-function: you need to learn to be more careful 

Too-gay-to-function: do you know what could have happened if you hit your head?!

Too-gay-to-function: you could’ve gotten even more hurt!

Too-gay-to-function: you could’ve fucking died

Artfreak: … 

Artfreak: I know

Bighair: oh Janis 

Artfreak: I’m sorry

Bighair: sorry for what?

Artfreak: I’m sorry for how I treat you guys, I know I can be mean sometimes. Or all the time. And I never properly apologized to any of you. I can be more of a bitch than Regina sometimes. 

Bighair: oh sweetheart it’s okay

Bighair: I mean I can’t speak for all of us but I know you don’t mean it.

Yourebeautiful: yeah same. As much as I say you annoy me sometimes, I know you care. You just have a different way of showing it 

Too-gay-to-function: you are a bitch but I love you 

Caddy-the-junglefreak: ^^

Reginaldgeothermal: ^^

Dumb-bitch-energy: ^^^ heart emoji! 

Straightjock™️: ^^^

Artfreak: wait what

Artfreak: Aaron?!

Straightjock™️: I’m back bitch 

Straightjock™️: and look, I hate to admit it but you’re my friend

Yourebeautiful: I-

Too-gay-to-function: shook

Artfreak: you’re my friend too

Artfreak: and I’m sorry, for real. From the bottom of my heart

Straightjock™️: heh. Bottom

Too-gay-to-function: nOT THE TIME

Artfreak: you know what fuck you too

Artfreak: aaaannnyyywwaaayyyss sleep meds are taking effect I’m going under whoops

Artfreak: gudbai

Too-gay-to-function: aaannnnddd she’s gone

Too-gay-to-function: *dramatic sigh* what am I ever going to do with her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything that happened here minus the broken arm and the dialogue is real
> 
> I now have about ten rail ties as well as other parts of train track on my bookshelf
> 
> Is this a sort of Janis redemption? I think so. Is it done right? You bet your ass it isn’t 
> 
> Idk if the trans-American railyard is a thing but who cares
> 
> I like that they live in the suburbs but still go downtown and OUT and stuff because my friends who (sort of) live in the suburbs are like scared of downtown (and basically any other city-like neighborhood like where I live) (or anything that isn’t suburbia) but it’s where I THRIVE 
> 
> Oh yes one last thing VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION: what animals do you think best suit Cady, Veronica and Janis?


	23. Aminals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yourebeautiful: idk I fell like it suites me
> 
> Reginaldgeothermal: wow you’re typing like Janis 
> 
> Yourebeautiful: I’m tIRED OKAY
> 
> Artfreak: rud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all I figured out the animals
> 
> Also I’m probably gonna post again tonight at some point but it’s the last chapter I have written so ideas p l e a s e
> 
> Anyways enjoy!!

**Saturday, 4:23 am**

Artfreak: if y’all were an aminal what would you b

Artfreak: provide explanations plaes

Yourebeautiful: stop waking us up p l e a s e

Yourebeautiful: but I’d be an owl

Yourebeautiful: because I’m ~smart~ and I don’t sleep at night

Yourebeautiful: idk I fell like it suites me

Reginaldgeothermal: wow you’re typing like Janis

Yourebeautiful: I’m tIRED OKAY

Artfreak: rud

Artfreak: I’d be a sloth

Artfreak: aimme always sleppingg and I onli get out of bed like thri times a year

Reginaldgeothermal: valid

Reginaldgeothermal: I’d be a lion obviously

Reginaldgeothermal: the apex predator bitch

Reginaldgeothermal: I’m the queen bee, I run the school

Reginaldgeothermal: or at least I used to be

Reginaldgeothermal: anyways

Bighair: I would be a bird. But like a really nervous one

Bighair: maybe a sparrow or something

Bighair: why, you ask? Because when my fight or flight is triggered, my immediate response is always flight

Dumb-bitch-energy: always?

Bighair: always.

Dumb-bitch-energy: I would be a mouse

Dumb batch-energy: because i look SEXY as a mouse :D

Too-gay-to-function: I would be a spider

Too-gay-to-function: but not just any spider

Too-gay-to-function: you know the type that shows off?

Too-gay-to-function:it’s colourful and has a special mating dance to attract females

Too-gay-to-function: it’s called a peacock spider I think

Artfreak: omg eie giusst lukked it up taht descrbbs u perfecthky

Caddy-the-junglefreak: hmm

Caddy-the-junglfreak: a butterfly maybe

Caddy-the-junglefreak: i see it as a metaphor for how I’ve changed

Caddy-the-junglefreak: when I first came here, I was different than I am now. And I thought I had reached my full potential after overthrowing Regina but I realized that wasn’t it

Caddy-the-junglfreak: after spring fling, I knew that I had finally changed, for good. I was a better person. I don’t know if that makes sense but… yeah.

Reginaldgeothermal: wow that’s… strangely poetic

Yourebeautiful: you’re beautiful

Yourebeautiful: I usually mean that sarcastically but I’m serious

Caddy-the-junglefreak: thanks! <3

Reginaldgeothermal: k well I’m tired goodnight peeps

Caddy-the-junglefreak: Gn!

Yourebeautiful: night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know what this chapter is either
> 
> I looked up skittish bird breeds and flamboyant animals and didn’t end up using any of my research but its okay
> 
> My house just stopped smelling like death from one dead rat in the walls and they found ✨another one✨
> 
> So my grandfather came to get it out with his friend and they stayed for supper so while we were eating a bird landed on his fork and we all just stared at it for a good five seconds


	24. Cousins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yourebeautiful: well surprise bitch look at me now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would’ve posted earlier but I got distracted and then I was at my cousins house (other ones- their dad is a trump supporter…) and I didn’t have wifi cause I was ✨too scared to ask✨
> 
> BUT on the bright side I had a fun time and we’re gonna try to convince our family to spend Christmas in New York

Yourebeautiful: Throwback to the time my cousin asked me to not be a lesbian

Artfreak: SHSHSH IM SORI HEE DID W A T H

Yourebeautiful: yup 

Reginaldgeothermal: it’s 2 in the morning w h y 

Yourebeautiful: I can’t sleep and I thought I would share

Reginaldgeothermal: you know what carry on this sounds interesting 

Yourebeautiful: it is

Yourebeautiful: so

Yourebeautiful: When I asked him why

Yourebeautiful: He literally said

Yourebeautiful: “I don’t know”

Yourebeautiful: And so I was like

Yourebeautiful: “And what’s so bad about being lesbian?”

Yourebeautiful: So he’s like

Yourebeautiful: “Oh, nothing”

Yourebeautiful: And so I asked him again

Yourebeautiful: “Then why don’t you want me to be a lesbian.”

Yourebeautiful: And he legit replied with

Yourebeautiful: “I don’t feel like it”

Yourebeautiful: well surprise bitch look at me now

Yourebeautiful: He was 9 at that time

Artfreak: SHSGSJSG I C A N T

Caddy-the-junglefreak: is he your cousin too Janis?

Artfreak: no butt I met hims few tims 

Yourebeautiful: he’s related to me on my dads side 

Yourebeautiful: Janis’s mom and my mom are sisters

Artfreak: yeah

Caddy-the-junglefreak: oh ok carry on

Yourebeautiful: Istg that kid has such a fragile masculinity and he’s only 10

Yourebeautiful: We were watching James Charles doing a giveaway (his choice, not mine)

Yourebeautiful: And James was giving away a MacBook, free hoodies, and free makeup palettes

Yourebeautiful: So he’s like “oh I want that”

Yourebeautiful: But he was quick to add “not the makeup”

Yourebeautiful: and I was like “...what’s the problem with wearing makeup?”

Yourebeautiful: he replied “nothing” but I wasn’t convinced 

Yourebeautiful: He also kept asking me what James Charles identified as

Yourebeautiful: And when I said that as far as I knew he used he/him pronouns

Yourebeautiful: He asked me if he could call James a she

Yourebeautiful: So I said why

Yourebeautiful: And he said “because he wears makeup”

Yourebeautiful: And I was just like “my dude boys can wear makeup too you know”

Yourebeautiful: And he’s like “yeah but it’s wrong”

Too-gay-to-function: closeted gay boy. I call it

Artfreak: definitely

Yourebeautiful: yeah I think so

Yourebeautiful: oh and he also finds body hair on women gross

Yourebeautiful: Like once my upper lip wasnt waxed and he looks at me and goes

Yourebeautiful: “Ew you have a moustache.”

Yourebeautiful: I shit you not

Yourebeautiful: I replied with “well so will you one day” and I was joking around trying to keep the conversation lighthearted but I was ready to DIE inside

Yourebeautiful: (Keep in mind he was 8 here)

Yourebeautiful: And he said “yeah but I’m a boy. Girls shouldn’t have moustaches. It’s gross”

Yourebeautiful: And I was like BITCH

Yourebeautiful: Oh yeah and that day he made me cry but it was for unrelated reasons

Reginaldgeothermal: what did he do?

Caddy-the-junglefreak: yeah you woke us up and got us roped into the story what happened

Yourebeautiful: we were in the car and he wouldn’t stop screaming in my ear. When I told him to stop he screamed louder and I was so pissed I started crying

Yourebeautiful: he had done a lot to upset me that day but that was just the cherry on top lmao

Yourebeautiful: we stopped the car and his mom yelled at him

Yourebeautiful: not saying he deserved it but… he deserved it

Yourebeautiful: he was being a brat

Yourebeautiful: a n y w a y s 

Bighair: wow. 

Yourebeautiful: yup

Yourebeautiful: I love him but like... i don’t know what to do with him

Bighair: oof

Yourebeautiful: I took some meds and I think they’re kicking in so imma sleep now

Dumb-bitch-energy: sleep tight! Smiling emoji, heart emoji

Artfreak: don’t let the bed bugs bite (:

Yourebeautiful: what is wrong with you

Artfreak: a lotr of thinngs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all true and he’s only ✨ten✨ 
> 
> The last story happened when we were in Italy so I was stuck with him for like a week after that but we smoothed things over so it was fine
> 
> He also thinks gay is an insult so that’s great
> 
> My aunt was like “it’s not an insult for people to be gay, some people are gay and that’s fine” and he’s like “yeah I know” (all annoyed) and my closeted ass was S H A K I N G
> 
> ^that was like three weeks ago
> 
> He’s my only first cousin and I love him but… idk


	25. Homophobes getting what they deserve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yourebeautiful: elementary school was WILD
> 
> Yourebeautiful: I’m just remembering all these repressed memories all of a sudden
> 
> Reginaldgeothermal: do tell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally right after I posted the last chapter my mom told me the plumbers found another dead rat in the walls, right between the kitchen and bathroom so our house will smell like death again soon how exciting
> 
> And I just started school again so expect almost no updates. Speaking of, while we were standing in line to get our picture taken, the kids behind me were making fun of BLM and stuff so I’ll be stuck with racist homophobes for another three years. ✨we stan✨
> 
> TW: mentions of knives, suicidal thoughts and homophobia

Yourebeautiful: elementary school was WILD

Yourebeautiful: I’m just remembering all these repressed memories all of a sudden

Reginaldgeothermal: do tell

Yourebeautiful: I’m sixth grade there were these two kids that were like MAJOR bullies

Yourebeautiful: y’all know Kurt and ram, the guys I killed? I’m starting to like the fact that I did that

Artfreak: big mood

Yourebeautiful: Anyways there was this kid that was kinda their friend but it was a weird relationship… then one day not long before spring break Ram decided to bring a fucking KNIFE to school

Caddy-the-junglefreak: w h a t 

Yourebeautiful: yup

Yourebeautiful: and together, they pulled the fucking knife on the kid and stuck it to his ribs

Too-gay-to-function: oh god

Too-gay-to-function: they got punished right??

Yourebeautiful: ram got. A Friday. Suspension. 

Yourebeautiful: FRIDAY 

Yourebeautiful: and he came back like he owned the school 

Caddy-the-junglefreak: you’re kidding 

Yourebeautiful: I wish 

Yourebeautiful: he was horrible to Martha too. 

Dumb-bitch-energy: Martha?

Bighair: she added her to the group chat at some point remember?

Dumb-bitch-energy: oh yeah I liked Martha! Smiling emoji, heart emoji!

Reginaldgeothermal: anyways what happened?

Yourebeautiful: she was clearly in love with him

Yourebeautiful: he would treat her like shit, call her a bitch, and apologize when she got mad

Yourebeautiful: and she kept forgiving him

Yourebeautiful: I remember one day we were sitting in the yard and she started crying, talking about how horribly he treated her

Yourebeautiful: I kept trying to convince her to leave him, to just stop talking to him but she wouldn’t listen

Reginaldgeothermal: oh my god

Yourebeautiful: oh yeah it’s no secret that they were both homophobic too

Yourebeautiful: f slur here, f slur there

Yourebeautiful: ohhh the irony of it all

Yourebeautiful: making it look like a gay-lover-suicide pact just makes it all better

Yourebeautiful: they really got what they deserved

Yourebeautiful: I mean sure I still have ~trauma~ from that particular event but I no longer feel guilty so

Artfreak: tahts wath I cal prgresdd 

Dumb-bitch-energy: you go Veronica!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m ashamed to say I was friends with one of them and I’ve actually seen him once since we graduated it was the funniest and most awkward thing. (Actually make that twice I saw him again today when I was walking to school)
> 
> Y’all that year was WILD those two kids (the ones who got bullied) ended up suicidal and the two that pulled the knife on him got absolutely no consequences it made me so pissed 
> 
> That year there was so much drama and I straight up admitted to everyone bullying the kid who pulled the knife cause I was like “you were so mean to all of us and we got tired of it so the tables turned in fifth grade and we’ve been calling you potato ever since.” in front of like half the grade shhshvshdvs 
> 
> (Also @itstotesgodswill I know you want some Karen content and that’s coming right up but do you have any plot line (?) ideas? Like is there something in particular that you want to see?)

**Author's Note:**

> So I don’t realize the first chapter would be this short but here we are. Another WIP. This ones more for me to just have fun and not really worry about a plot.
> 
> Am I going overboard with the Janis typos? Her autocorrect is off, for anyone asking.
> 
> And please I need suggestions I only have like two chapters and a half written
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, have a lovely day everyone! 💜


End file.
